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Please write in support of the following proposition: “Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. ” You should write for an educated, non-specialist audience. Write at least 250 words using your own ideas, knowledge and experience. You should support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v.1

Please write in support of the following proposition: “Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. ” You should write for an educated, non-specialist audience. using your own ideas, knowledge and experience. You should support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 1
The travel industry is getting progressively significant as a wellspring of income to numerous nations. But, even if tourism has lots of advantages, there are as many drawbacks. One evident benefit of tourism is economic growth, especially in developing countries. In other words, hotels, restaurants, bars, and entertainment facilities all see an immediate influx, which results in them seeking more employees, giving more opportunities to the locals and more incomes to the country. On the other hand, there are obvious disadvantages to travel. The increasing crime rate is one of them. Some locals see tourists as easy prey because not only are they in unfamiliar territory, but also they carry visible items of wealth. Take the city of Paris as an example. Pickpocketing is the most prevalent form of crime targeting tourists in the French capital. Therefore, travellers always have to be vigilant with their personal affairs and hide any form of wealthiness. Another disadvantage would be the bad effects it has on the environment. Although tourist money might be put to good use, travel does put burdens on natural resources. A good illustration of this is pollution. When a lot of people visit, they invariably burden the transportation system and contribute to pollution. Aviation produces approximately 900 million tonnes of carbon dioxide each year, which impact the air quality, thus the health. Indeed, long-term exposure to polluted air can have permanent health effects such as developing diseases like asthma, bronchitis, and possibly cancer. To conclude, while there are many advantages of travelling, the negatives involved can have important and long-lasting effects to be disregarded.
The travel industry is getting
progressively
significant as a wellspring of income to numerous nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, even if tourism has lots of advantages, there are as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks.

One evident benefit of tourism is economic growth,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
In other words
, hotels, restaurants, bars, and entertainment facilities all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an immediate influx, which results in them seeking more employees, giving more opportunities to the locals and more incomes to the country.

On the other hand
, there are obvious disadvantages to travel. The increasing crime rate is one of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
locals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
tourists as easy prey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are they in unfamiliar territory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they carry visible items of wealth. Take the city of Paris as an example.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pickpocketing
is the most prevalent form of crime targeting tourists in the French capital.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be vigilant with their personal affairs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
any form of wealthiness.

Another disadvantage would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects it has on the environment. Although tourist money might
be put
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, travel does put burdens on natural resources. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is pollution. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit, they
invariably
burden the transportation system and contribute to pollution. Aviation produces approximately 900 million tonnes of carbon dioxide each year, which impact the air quality,
thus
the health.
Indeed
, long-term exposure to polluted air can have permanent health effects such as developing diseases like asthma, bronchitis, and
possibly
cancer.

To conclude
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of travelling, the negatives involved can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and long-lasting effects to
be disregarded
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Please write in support of the following proposition: “Tourism is becoming increasingly important as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked. ” You should write for an educated, non-specialist audience. using your own ideas, knowledge and experience. You should support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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