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Topic: Online privacy is an alarming concern to people using social networking sites. People often tend to put personal information deliberately and unintentionally on the Internet without thinking about its negative consequences. Does its positive side outweigh its negative consequences?

Topic: Online privacy is an alarming concern to people using social networking sites. People often tend to put personal information deliberately and unintentionally on the Internet without thinking about its negative consequences. Does its positive side outweigh its negative consequences? pJKyw
In the era of technological advancements, the usage of social networking sites is undoubtedly necessary. In order to access such platforms, people unconsciously disclose their personal data, exposing them to online privacy risks. Although the revelation of private information can be profitable to some degree, I subscribe to the notion that the potential threat from this action is greater than its merits. One the one hand, it is true that both technology conglomerates and online users reap enormous benefits from revealing personal information. Firstly, Internet developers are enabled to further enhance current technology regarding smart algorithms and artificial intelligence. Face recognition, one of the most prioritized technologies of major companies in the presen-day world, has increasingly been advanced thanks to physiological characteristic provided by users. From the perspective of customers, they are set to get access to cyber amenities and smart apps on condition that their private data is revealed. As a matter of fact, such social platforms allowing people to closely interact as Facebook are inaccessible if private information is excluded. Undoubtedly, the profits brought by supplying information worth proper recognition. On the other hand, there exist substantial risks of data disclosure that can overshadow its myriad bright sides. The foremost threat is that internet users are prone to constant manipulation of online service providers and advertisers. Since the majority of networking sites these days can track usage patterns, suggested advertisements or even spam from online fraudsters are likely to emerge unfavorably, which not only disrupt user experience but also steal personal data. Furthermore, people may suffer from cybercrime or harassment as a consequence of data breach. Sophisticated hackers are able to install malware into advertisements or other unauthorized files, hence blackmailing users with the stolen sensitive contents. In this way, it can be seen that information provision does more harm than good to users. In conclusion, I hold that the aforementioned jeopardy of giving personal information on online platforms is more considerable in comparison with the upsides. Even though leaking data is inevitable in the wake of technology, arisen problems of this phenomenon can by no means overlooked.
In the era of technological advancements, the usage of social networking sites is
undoubtedly
necessary. In order to access such platforms,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unconsciously
disclose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
, exposing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
privacy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. Although the revelation of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be profitable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree, I subscribe to the notion that the potential threat from this action is greater than its merits.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, it is true that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
conglomerates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
reap enormous benefits from revealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Firstly
, Internet developers
are enabled
to
further
enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
regarding smart algorithms and artificial intelligence. Face recognition, one of the most prioritized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
of major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
presen-day
world, has
increasingly
been advanced
thanks to physiological characteristic provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
. From the perspective of customers, they
are set
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to cyber amenities and smart apps on condition that their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is revealed
. As a matter of fact, such social platforms allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
closely
interact as Facebook are inaccessible if private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is excluded
.
Undoubtedly
, the profits brought by supplying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
worth proper recognition.

On the other hand
, there exist substantial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
disclosure that can overshadow its myriad bright sides. The foremost threat is that internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
are prone to constant manipulation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
service providers and advertisers. Since the majority of networking sites these days can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
usage patterns, suggested advertisements or even spam from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
fraudsters are likely to emerge
unfavorably
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
user
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
steal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may suffer from cybercrime or harassment as a consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
breach. Sophisticated hackers are able to install malware into advertisements or other unauthorized files,
hence
blackmailing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
with the stolen sensitive contents. In this way, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
provision does more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to users.

In conclusion
, I hold that the aforementioned jeopardy of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms is more considerable
in comparison
with the upsides.
Even though
leaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is inevitable in the wake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, arisen problems of this phenomenon can by no means overlooked.
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IELTS essay Topic: Online privacy is an alarming concern to people using social networking sites. People often tend to put personal information deliberately and unintentionally on the Internet without thinking about its negative consequences. Does its positive side outweigh its negative consequences?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Topic: Online privacy is an alarming concern to people using social networking sites. People often tend to put personal information deliberately and unintentionally on the Internet without thinking about its negative consequences. Does its positive side outweigh its negative consequences?