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Some people think that everyone should aim to get white collar jobs, while others believe there are advantages to blue collar jobs as well. Discuss your views and give your opinion.

Some people think that everyone should aim to get white collar jobs, while others believe there are advantages to blue collar jobs as well. Discuss your views and give your opinion. 2lRw6
As everybody places more and more emphasis on getting white collar jobs, whereas, some people choose blue collar jobs because of its benefits. From my point of view, I agree with these views that both of these jobs have many advantages. First of all, white collar jobs are always more well-paid than blue-collar ones and people doing intellectual jobs are unlikely to be unemployment while others are facing with the high rate of joblessness. For example, white-collar workers can enjoy many more perks such as high bonus, paid leaves, having retirement insurance so that they don’t have to worry about their lives when they are getting older. Second, working in the office is safer because you can stay in-door to work and stay away from extreme weather condition. Moreover, white-collar workers win higher social respect than blue-collar ones because they have better social connection and higher intellectual ability. On the other hand, it is undeniable that blue-collar jobs have many benefits. Firstly, these manual jobs have less pressure because they don’t require high education, qualifications or you don’t have much work stress about deadlines or competitions. The suicide rate due to mental stress is increasing dramatically nowadays so doing blue-collar jobs is really suitable for many people who cannot live under pressure. Second, doing physically demanding jobs can improve physical health and live close to natural environment which is really interesting. To sum up, I think that not everyone has the cognitive ability to pursue higher education that lead to white-collar jobs so blue-collar ones may be the best choice for them.
As everybody places more and more emphasis on getting white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose blue collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its benefits. From my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with these views that both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are always more well-paid than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
doing intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are unlikely to be unemployment while others are facing with the high rate of joblessness.
For example
, white-collar workers can enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more perks such as high bonus, paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
, having retirement insurance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when they are getting older. Second, working in the office is safer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can stay in-door to work and stay away from extreme weather condition.
Moreover
, white-collar workers win higher social respect than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have better social connection and higher intellectual ability.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Firstly
, these manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have less pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t require high education, qualifications or you don’t have much work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
about deadlines or competitions. The suicide rate due to mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is increasing
dramatically
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is
really
suitable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under pressure. Second, doing
physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
physical health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
close to natural environment which is
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
really interesting
.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that not everyone has the cognitive ability to pursue higher education that lead to white-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
may be the best choice for them.
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IELTS essay Some people think that everyone should aim to get white collar jobs, while others believe there are advantages to blue collar jobs as well. Discuss your views and give your opinion.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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