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Nowadays, children and adolescents spend a sizable amount of their leisure time

Nowadays, children and adolescents spend a sizable amount of their leisure time D2w9E
Nowadays, children and adolescents spend a sizable amount of their leisure time at home. In this essay, I will analyze the reason for this problem and propose some possible solutions. With regard to the reasons of this trend, there is a wide variety of entertainment facilities that parents offer to their children at home. Game consoles as an example of them can have several adverse effects on youth's behavior. With have access to them, they are reluctant to go out and do some outdoor activities. As a result, it can cause a change in the attitude of children toward those activities and they may find it difficult to do that. At the same time, due to some aggressive behaviors in societies, a number of parents more willing to keep their children at home. It is probably because this problem can pose a threat to children and they maybe turn to crimes such as drugs or robbery. Obviously, encouraging children and having a safe society are the keys to solve this problem. Parents can play their part by encouraging children to do some outdoor activities. To facilitate this situation, they can participate with them. For instance, as a family, they can do some exercise in a park so as to increasing children's motivation. Besides, authorities can improve the situation by pose some hefty fines for those who break the law. In other words, these fines can act as a deterrent in order to make society a better place to live. Therefore, children can be more easily present in society and it can also make parents feel more comfortable. To sum up, the problem of children's indoor leisure time will only be solved if parents and governments play their part by encouraging children and make society safer. I hope this problem is solved and next-generation like our past will be playing in street with their peers.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adolescents spend a sizable amount of their leisure time at home. In this essay, I will analyze the reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

With regard to the reasons of this trend, there is a wide variety of entertainment facilities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
offer to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home. Game consoles as an example of them can have several adverse effects on youth's behavior. With have access to them, they are reluctant to go out and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor activities.
As a result
, it can cause a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the attitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
toward those
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they may find it difficult to do that. At the same time, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aggressive behaviors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home. It is
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can pose a threat to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they maybe turn to crimes such as drugs or robbery.

Obviously
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and having a safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are the keys to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can play their part by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor activities. To facilitate this situation, they can participate with them.
For instance
, as a family, they can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise in a park
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
increasing children's motivation.
Besides
, authorities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation by pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hefty fines for those who break the law.
In other words
, these fines can act as a deterrent in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be more
easily
present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feel more comfortable.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of children's indoor leisure time will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be solved
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
play their part by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
safer. I hope this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is solved
and
next
-generation like our past will be playing in street with their peers.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, children and adolescents spend a sizable amount of their leisure time

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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