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Topic: Nowadays more and more people consume fast food on a regular basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.1

Topic: Nowadays more and more people consume fast food on a regular basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1
Fast food is more and more familiar in meals of the people these days. This can have both positive and negative effects. There are several benefits that can be repeated from eating fast food. To begin, fast food industry can earn a lot of money for the government from collecting tax. This leads to countries have more chance and economic potential to boost the economy. By doing this, the life quality of people will be improved. Another advantage which is worth mentioning is that the taste of these foods are so delicious and also the price is good. Therefore, many fast food chains are now opened in many areas, especially in city centers, which is always crowded with office workers, students who consume fast food a lost. Due to the fast growing of the fast food chains, the number of people consume fast food are increasing day by day. On the other hand, fast food can have several negative implications. In fact, fast food contains many cholesterol which can causes many health problem such as obesity, heart diseases… In this way, people will have a passive lifestyle, do not do exercise regularly and the work efficiency much be reduce. Another drawback could be that many families reject the traditional food in their meals, which is take longer time to cook and also inconvenience. This results in many mothers nowadays cannot cook the traditional food. As a result, the next generations will have less chance to eat these foods that our ancestors have developed for thousands years. In conclusion, while eating fast food can be beneficial, it also have several drawbacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is more and more familiar in meals of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days. This can have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

There are several benefits that can
be repeated
from eating
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
from collecting tax. This leads to countries have more chance and economic potential to boost the economy. By doing this, the life quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. Another advantage which is worth mentioning is that the taste of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
delicious and
also
the price is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
opened in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas,
especially
in city centers, which is always crowded with office workers, students who consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
a lost. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
growing of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are increasing day by day.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains
Possible agreement error. The noun cholesterol seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much cholesterol", "a good deal of cholesterol".
many cholesterol
which can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much health", "a good deal of health".
many health
problem such as obesity, heart diseases… In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a passive lifestyle, do not do exercise
regularly
and the work efficiency much be
Consider using a past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
. Another drawback could be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families reject the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their meals, which is take longer time to cook and
also
inconvenience. This results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers nowadays cannot cook the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
, the
next
generations will have less chance to eat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that our ancestors have developed for thousands years.

In conclusion
, while eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can be beneficial, it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
several drawbacks
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Topic: Nowadays more and more people consume fast food on a regular basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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