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Nowadays more and more people consume fast food on a regular basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v.1

Nowadays more and more people consume fast food on a regular basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1
Fast food is more and more familiar in meals of the people these days. This can have both positive and negative effect. There are several benefits that can be repeated from eating fast food. To begin, fast food industrial can earn a lot of money for the government from collecting tax. This lead to countries have more chance and economic potential to boost the economy. Another advantage which is worth mentioning is that the taste of these food are so delicious and also the price is not too expensive. This leads to many fast food chains are now will be opened in many areas, especially in city centers, which is always crowded with office workers, students who consume fast food the most. As a result, the number of people consume fast food are increasing everyday. On the other hand, fast food can have several negative implications. In fact, fast food contain many cholesterol which can causes many health problem such as obesity, heart diseases… As a result, people will have a passive lifestyle, do not do exercise and the work efficiency much be reduce. Another drawback could be that many families reject the traditional food in their meals, which is take long time to cook and also inconvenience. This leads to many mothers nowadays can not cook the traditional food. As a result, the next generations will have less chance to eat these food that our ancestors have developed for thousands years. In conclusion, while eating fast food can be beneficial, it also have several drawbacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is more and more familiar in meals of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days. This can have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect.

There are several benefits that can
be repeated
from eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industrial can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
from collecting tax. This lead to countries have more chance and economic potential to boost the economy. Another advantage which is worth mentioning is that the taste of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
delicious and
also
the price is not too expensive. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
will
be opened
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas,
especially
in city centers, which is always crowded with office workers, students who consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
the most.
As a result
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are increasing
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contain
Possible agreement error. The noun cholesterol seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much cholesterol", "a good deal of cholesterol".
many cholesterol
which can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much health", "a good deal of health".
many health
problem such as obesity, heart diseases…
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have a passive lifestyle, do not do exercise and the work efficiency much be
Consider using a past participle here: "reduced".
reduce
. Another drawback could be that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families reject the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their meals, which is take long time to cook and
also
inconvenience. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mothers nowadays can not cook the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
, the
next
generations will have less chance to eat these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that our ancestors have developed for thousands years.

In conclusion
, while eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can be beneficial, it
also
Did you mean "has"?
have
several drawbacks
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more people consume fast food on a regular basis. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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