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Topic: In some countries, parents expect children to spend a long time studying in and after school and less free time.

Topic: In some countries, parents expect children to spend a long time studying in and after school and less free time. N8MJj
In recent society, parents put a great deal of expectation on their children is no longer a strange concept. Although the contributory factors to this presence of this expectation are their fear of their children being affected by social evils and obsession with a happy and successful life, they can lead to considerable impacts on their kid’s mental and physical health. Initially, the foremost reason for parents/making children study more than relax is their fear of their kids participating in social evils. Many parents assume that they love their children unconditionally because they are their lives, thus forming an overprotective attitude towards their children. The evidence is that most parents pick up their kids right after school and don’t allow them to hang out with friends frequently, instead, they have to stay at home and do their assignments. In addition, the obsession with helping their children achieve a happy and successful life is not excluded from the contributory elements. Parents might have to overcome rocky paths in the past and they sincerely/absolutely don’t want their children to suffer from those difficulties. The possible impact on children resulted from form their parents’ expectation is that they may have mental and physical health issues. The youths of these youngsters have to be subjected to the control of parents that forces them to sit in front of the table to study so much leading to the lack of physical development. Besides, this puts a great deal of pressure on their kids and can directly cause children’s frustration and irritation when they are not allowed to let their hair down (idioms) promptly. As the/ a result, depression and some other mental health symptoms are inevitable. For instance, hundreds of students are committed suicide each year because their parents didn’t encourage them but forced them to rush to the entrance examination in China-the harshest exam in the world. In conclusion, there are several reasons parents expect their children to spend more time studying rather than playing which resulted/ can result in the aforementioned significant impacts on the kids aforementioned (adj). Children deserve care and love in an appropriate way. Therefore, people who are in parenthood should have an encouraging attitude towards their children and facilitate their choices.
In recent society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
put a great deal of expectation on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is no longer a strange concept. Although the contributory factors to this presence of this expectation are their fear of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by social evils and obsession with a happy and successful life, they can lead to considerable impacts on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
mental and physical health.

Initially
, the foremost reason for parents/making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study more than relax is their fear of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
participating in social evils.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
assume that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unconditionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
thus
forming an overprotective attitude towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The evidence is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
pick up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
right after school and don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to hang out with friends
frequently
,
instead
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay at home and do their assignments.
In addition
, the obsession with helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
achieve a happy and successful life is not excluded from the contributory elements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome rocky paths in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
past and
they
sincerely
/
absolutely
don’t want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to suffer from those difficulties.

The possible impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
resulted from form their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
expectation is that they may have mental and physical health issues. The youths of these youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be subjected
to the control of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that forces them to sit in front of the table to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much leading to the lack of physical development.
Besides
, this puts a great deal of pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and can
directly
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
frustration and irritation when they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their hair down (idioms)
promptly
. As the/ a result, depression and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other mental health symptoms are inevitable.
For instance
, hundreds of students
are committed
suicide each year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
didn’t encourage them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
forced them to rush to the entrance examination in China-the
A determiner is probably missing here: "the harshest".
harshest
exam in the world.

In conclusion
, there are several reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend more time studying
rather
than playing which resulted/ can result in the aforementioned significant impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
aforementioned (adj).
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
deserve care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
Consider replacing "in an appropriate way" with the adverb for "appropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an appropriate way
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in parenthood should have an encouraging attitude towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and facilitate their choices.
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IELTS essay Topic: In some countries, parents expect children to spend a long time studying in and after school and less free time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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