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Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? Or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities? v.2

Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? Or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities? v. 2
In today' s world, as everything is rapidly changing and developing innovations, young generations are therefore also changeable and following these improvements on their regular basic, including spending square time. Some are currently making the best use of their unoccupied moments, whereas many youngsters adore wasting time for unhelpfulnesses. This essay will discuss upmentioned trend, and in the meanwhile point out several consequences leading to this affair. To begin with, there are still existing young people obviously know how to make the most of today' s time, much as time is a significant element, which is directly affecting individuals. For instance, in their free time, they do welfare work, read books, learn a new language, and so one. In particular, they help their parents complete household chores, have conversations with brothers or sisters, or even play sports with friends. Those who fully employ time to do this would get benefits from durable wholesome relationships, as taking time for friendly acquaintances and family is crucial and comfortable. As a result, those teenagers will be open-hearted, active, as well as well-experienced and always ready to integrate with the society. On the other hand, there is also a great number of groups who are fancy filling themselves with inessential things. They like gossips and even are willing to ignore the truth in order to listen and talk unfounded stories that are transmitted and changed constantly from people to people. Moreover, not only do juveniles stay at home and select video games and internet to interact, but they also refuse to participate in a club or outdoor activities. In consequence, those parts of society will be inexperienced, dependent and at risk of health-damaging diseases owing to having used technological devices too much, such as obesity, sight-shortedness, internet addiction, and so on. In short, in present time, lots of youth take advantage of time, while others enjoy spending time being connected with virtual world. People should not use leisure time for unnecessaries and have to alternatively perform what are good and energetic for themselves.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world, as everything is
rapidly
changing and developing innovations, young generations are
therefore
also
changeable and following these improvements on their regular basic, including spending square
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are
currently
making the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their unoccupied moments, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters adore wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
unhelpfulnesses
. This essay will discuss
Possible spelling mistake found.
upmentioned
trend, and in the meanwhile point out several consequences leading to this affair.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
still
existing young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obviously
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a significant element, which is
directly
affecting individuals.
For instance
, in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they do welfare work, read books, learn a new language, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one.
In particular
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their parents complete household chores, have conversations with brothers or sisters, or even play sports with friends. Those who
fully
employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefits from durable wholesome relationships, as taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for friendly acquaintances and family is crucial and comfortable.
As a result
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will be open-hearted, active,
as well
as well
-experienced and always ready to integrate with the society.
On the other hand
, there is
also
a great number of groups who are fancy filling themselves with inessential things. They like gossips and even are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the truth in order to listen and talk unfounded stories that
are transmitted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
constantly
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do juveniles stay at home and select video games and internet to interact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
refuse to participate in a club or outdoor activities. In consequence, those parts of society will
be inexperienced
, dependent and at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of health-damaging diseases owing to having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
technological devices too much, such as obesity,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sight-shortedness
, internet addiction, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In short, in present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, lots of youth take advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, while others enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being connected
with virtual world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
unnecessaries
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
alternatively
perform what are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and energetic for themselves.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do young people today make good use of their leisure time? Or do they spend too much time watching television and playing video games, instead of taking part in more productive activities? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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