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Topic: How do movies or TV affect people?

Topic: How do movies or TV affect people? NVXbN
Undoubtedly, we live in a digital world from the effect of fewer devices; one of these is television. This device influenced our life with many programs. There are many effects of TV programs around us. I think you are many drawbacks of the TV program and particularly advertisement to people and influences them obviously. Firstly, many people spend an amount of time watching television, which is their favorite activity. For example, since 2 years ago many people of the world into staying in their homes when coronavirus has become lockdown, and we spent our work-time and free-time in our homes with our children. Because of that, the Tv affects some of the personal values of family and children. Such as many junk food companies put their product through to the tv advertisement to attract our children and us and that cause unhealthy habits of the diet to them. Moreover, the commercial ads always show different parts. When our family and we are amused by these ads, we lose time for many essential things. Also, some negative advertisements should be controlled to avoid the bad effects on children's education. I know this is not happening to reduce all of the ads. But government and social and educational system should transfer them into more educational, include some useful knowledge, not more commercial type. Nowadays and in the new decade, many companies are designed by professional graphic design, and they are trying to more effects society and day-by-day improve their ways. In conclusion, TV programs and commercial ads have a massive negative effect on our lives. parents they should choose some suitable types for them to reduce on children And we must be more aware of declining this way of life system in the network world.
Undoubtedly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a digital world from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of fewer devices; one of these is television. This device influenced our life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects of TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
around us.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
and
particularly
advertisement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and influences them
obviously
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend an amount of time watching television, which is their favorite activity.
For example
, since 2 years ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the world into staying in their homes when coronavirus has become lockdown, and we spent our work-time and free-time in our homes with our children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
affects
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
personal values of family and children. Such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
junk food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
put their product through to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
advertisement to attract our children and us and that cause unhealthy habits of the diet to them.
Moreover
, the commercial ads always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts. When our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
we
are amused
by these ads, we lose time for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essential things.

Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
advertisements should
be controlled
to avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on children's education. I know this is not happening to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Consider using "all the".
all of the
ads.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and social and educational system should transfer them into more educational, include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful knowledge, not more commercial type. Nowadays and in the new decade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are designed
by professional graphic design, and they are trying to more effects society and day-by-day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their ways.

In conclusion
, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and commercial ads have a massive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
they should choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable types for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
on
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
children


And we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be more aware of declining this way of life system in the network world.
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IELTS essay Topic: How do movies or TV affect people?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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