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TOPIC # 38 learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

TOPIC # 38 learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. v. 1
Some people argue that people who visit foreign countries are more open to differences and they are able to understand others in a better way. I strongly agree with this statement because of the reasons which will be discussed in this essay. It is scientifically proven that the interaction with people of different cultures can affect one’s personality to a great extent. When people go to foreign countries, they have to face unfamiliar situations. Living in such unfamiliar situations makes people more adaptable to different circumstances. Thus they will become more tolerant of change/difference. This personality trait will help them to take more risks and accept changes in the future. As these kinds of people are more exposed to different lifestyles, customs and food habits, they understand others better. By contrast, people who are not exposed to different cultures will be more narrow-minded than people who travel overseas frequently. It is difficult for them to adapt to unfamiliar situations compared to people who travelled and got exposed to different cultures. This is evident among uneducated people living in rural areas. They do not have much exposure to the outside world. They are very comfortable with their locality and they follow only traditional way of life. It is very difficult for them to embrace change. And also, it is difficult for them to understand and accept people who follow a different lifestyle. In conclusion, people who are exposed to different cultures and practices are more open to different situations. They are tolerant and venture into new avenues with an open mind and they understand people better than people who do not travel much.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
argue that
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visit foreign countries are more open to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
differences and
they are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
others in a better way. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons which will
be discussed
in this essay.

It is
scientifically
proven that the interaction with
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people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can affect one’s personality to a great extent. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to foreign countries, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face unfamiliar
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situations
. Living in such unfamiliar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more adaptable to
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different
circumstances.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they will become more tolerant of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
/difference. This personality trait will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to take more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and accept
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the future. As these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
lifestyles, customs and food habits, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
others better.

By contrast,
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people
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who
are not
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exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
will be more narrow-minded than
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people
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who
travel overseas
frequently
. It is difficult for them to adapt to unfamiliar
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situations
compared to
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people
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who
travelled and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
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exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. This is evident among uneducated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in rural areas. They do not have much exposure to the outside world. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
locality and
they follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
traditional way of life. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for them to embrace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. And
also
, it is difficult for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
and accept
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people
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who
follow a
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different
lifestyle.

In conclusion
,
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people
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who
are
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exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and practices are more open to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. They are tolerant and venture into new avenues with an open
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not travel much.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay TOPIC # 38 learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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