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Topic 1: Some students prefer to take a gap year and between high school university to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Topic 1: Some students prefer to take a gap year and between high school university to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
The idea that students should take a year off before pursuing higher education remains a source of controversy in the modern world. While this trend is benifical to some extent, I firmly claim that the drawbacks are more significant. On the one hand, taking a break from studying after graduating high school has some positive effects on students. Firstly, the activity may enable students to enrich themselves with real-life experience that are advantagenous to their careers in the future. This is because, if during the gap time students get a paid job, they could learn many working skills, such as communication, teamwork, which all are esstential for their future jobs. Sencondly, taking a gap year to travel to different places can lead to an improvement in their social, cultural knowledge as well as self-care skills. Students, as consequence, not only can be more mature, but they also can be easy to intergrate in globalised world. On the other hand, I extremely believe that there are more significant disadvantages to students who take a gap year. The main reason is that chosing a year off can make it difficult for students to recall the knowledge and studying skills that they acquired in high school. An exellent example of this is that when students get a physically demanding jobs in this time, they will be too tired to revise any knowledge. Another is that travelling during the gap year can fascinate students in discovering. This can be conductive to a decrease in paying attention to study after the time which may has some adverse effects on the academic results of students when they continue their studying at university. In conclusion, although spending a gap year before following university programme is benefical in some aspects, such as providing students key skills and knowledge for their jobs in the future, I am of the opinion that this trend is associated with many disadvantages, including the difficult in recalling pass knowledge.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
pursuing higher education remains a source of controversy in the modern world. While this trend is
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benifical
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
firmly
claim that the drawbacks are more significant.

On the one hand, taking a break from studying after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
high school has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, the activity may enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enrich themselves with real-life experience that are
Possible spelling mistake found.
advantagenous
to their careers in the future. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, if during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they could learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as communication, teamwork, which all are
Possible spelling mistake found.
esstential
for their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sencondly
, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
to travel to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places can lead to an improvement in their social, cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
as well
as self-care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
, as consequence, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can be more mature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
can be easy to
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intergrate
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
world.

On the other hand
, I
extremely
believe that there are more significant disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. The main reason is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
chosing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to recall the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that they acquired in high school. An
Possible spelling mistake found.
exellent
example of this is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in this time, they will be too tired to revise any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. Another is that travelling during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
can fascinate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in discovering. This can be conductive to a decrease in paying attention to study after the time which may has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on the academic results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when they continue their studying at university.

In conclusion
, although spending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
following university
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects, such as providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the future, I am of the opinion that this trend
is associated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages, including the difficult in recalling pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic 1: Some students prefer to take a gap year and between high school university to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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