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Too much money sprint by individuals and governments on making themselves and the areas they live look beautiful. This is wasteful and it has no useful purpose

It is considered by some that dedicating large proportion of state's budget to the prosperity of infrastructure, architectural view of cities is not benecial and useless in comparison with healthcare provision. I partly agree with this point of view because not only the development of medicine is essential, enhancing another areas of life also plays important role in life of population. Initially, healthcare system as well as well-being of citizens is crucial thing for every country. For this reason, great amount of government's profit must be spent on the facilities which is necessary in improving individual's health. By doing so, healthy generation will contribute to the bright future of nation. As an inllustration, countries such as Germany, Turkey, Korea, Israel, advanced in medicine, are able to save the lifes of their people by not to sending them to seek treatment in overseas countries. Hence, it is the best result of proper investment to the healthcare industry. On the other hand, admittedly, it doesn't mean that another areas of human life are required to leave behind. Because they have huge impact to our daily life as well as it shows the level of living standarts. For instance, business centres, museums, art galleries, universities also take primary places in the politic of government as healthcare system. Because, they make a major contribution to the development of people's lifestyle which have straight effect to mood, physical station of mankind or in other words to the general health of citizens. As a result, cultural, infrastructural, entertainment fields of life have to be invested by authority. In conclusion, having spent money on different areas apart from healthcare system, governmental organizations have not wasted state's wealth. While, healthcare system must dominate among other aspects of countries development.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that dedicating large proportion of state's budget to the prosperity of infrastructure, architectural view of cities is not
Possible spelling mistake found.
benecial
and useless
in comparison
with healthcare provision. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the development of medicine is essential, enhancing another areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
also
plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of population.

Initially
, healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
as well
as well
-being of citizens is crucial thing for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For this reason
, great amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's profit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be spent
on the facilities which is necessary in improving individual's health. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, healthy generation will contribute to the bright future of nation. As an
Possible spelling mistake found.
inllustration
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Germany, Turkey, Korea, Israel, advanced in medicine, are able to save the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “lives”, the plural form of the noun ‘life’?
lifes
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by not to sending them to seek treatment in overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Hence
, it is the best result of proper investment to the healthcare industry.

On the other hand
,
admittedly
, it doesn't mean that another areas of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have huge impact to our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the level of living
Possible spelling mistake found.
standarts
.
For instance
, business
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
, museums, art galleries, universities
also
take primary places in the
The phrase ‘the politic of’ is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between ‘the’ and ‘of’.
politic
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a major contribution to the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle which have straight effect to mood, physical station of mankind or
in other words
to the general health of citizens.
As a result
, cultural, infrastructural, entertainment fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be invested
by authority.

In conclusion
, having spent money on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas apart from healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, governmental organizations have not wasted state's wealth.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
dominate among other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
development.
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IELTS essay Too much money sprint by individuals and governments on making themselves and the areas they live look beautiful. This is wasteful and it has no useful purpose

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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