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In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

Alcohol is one of crucial social problems. In the ultramodern epoch, it is point of debate that various nations banned the advertise of alcohol. I agreed with this notion. This essay would cast light on my myriad reasons to justify my opinion. Drinking can lead to serious health and social problems and it also affect the hale and hearty of a person. To clarify, drinking too much causes several conditions, including liver cancer, diabetes and brain damage. This not causes only patients, but also with their families. For instance, Russia had a huge problem with increasing number of dying people with alcohol related diseases. After that the authorities decided to stop companies to promoting beverages related to alcohol on TV and newspaper, it resulted in a huge reduction of such cases. Therefore, alcohol is very dangerous for our body because it increases the diseases in our body. Moreover, advertisement of alcohol influence people unfairly to buy that product. In simple words, if young adult see the advertisement of alcohol and after he/she influence easily with brand of alcohol because some bottles of alcohol are very cool and attractive. For example, a survey conducted by a university related to fitness in UK, they stated that 80% of British young adults are influenced by advertisement. Thus, the main ambition of advertisement is sale more and their no relation with increasing number of influencing with alcohol of teenagers. To conclude, if a country wants to decrease the number of alcohols, they should restrict the alcohol advertisements and society support the government of the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Alcohol
is one of crucial social problems. In the ultramodern epoch, it is point of debate that various nations banned the
The word ‘advertise’ is a verb. Did you mean the noun “advertisement”?
advertise
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with this notion. This essay would cast light on my myriad reasons to justify my opinion.

Drinking can lead to serious health and social
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
it
also
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “affects”.
affect
the hale and hearty of a person. To clarify, drinking too much causes several conditions, including liver cancer, diabetes and brain damage. This not causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
patients,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with their families.
For instance
, Russia had a huge problem with increasing number of dying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
related diseases. After that the authorities decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to promoting beverages related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
on TV and newspaper, it resulted in a huge reduction of such cases.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for our body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it increases the diseases in our body.

Moreover
,
The usual collocation for “advertisement” is “for”, not “of”. Did you mean “advertisement for”?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
influence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unfairly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that product. In simple words, if young adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
The usual collocation for “advertisement” is “for”, not “of”. Did you mean “advertisement for”?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and after he/she influence
easily
with brand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bottles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cool and attractive.
For example
, a survey conducted by a university related to fitness in UK, they stated that 80% of British young adults
are influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
Thus
, the main ambition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is sale more and their no relation with increasing number of influencing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To conclude
, if a country wants to decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohols
, they should restrict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and society support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of the country.
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IELTS essay In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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