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"Too much money spent on sport when it could be used to help the poor." What is your view?

"Too much money spent on sport when it could be used to help the poor. " What is your view? RMbp
In recent years, there have been witnessed to considerable changes in people's attitudes towards sports. One conspicuous example of this can be seen in ever-increasing number of disputes whether the government should allocate a huge amount of money on improving its sport facilities or that fund should be spend on enhancing the living standards of the poor. It seems to me that the poor should be granted with the money, instead of wasting it on sports. It is generally known that numerous countries are currently paying considerable attention to developing their status among other states by exploiting a vast amount of their budgets to repair its rating over the world but to improve the inadequate lifestyle of the population who are really in need. From my critical point of view, they should analyse the ultimate positive impact of development of the poor ethelon of the society, which includes increasing standards of their lives. The money that is allocated to build a single tremendous football arena, could be used to eract tens of buildings which offer job opportunities for the needy people. It seems to me that creating work places for them could be a solution to eliminate poverty among they, as they have a stable income by working. On the other hand, there are some proponents of sports who strongly claim that a particular amount of states budget should definitely be spent on advancing sport opportunities as they are great importance when their ranking are decided globally. They strictly state that by improving sport opportunities the government can be granted as a host country to world-known sport events such as Olympic Games or World Cups. It is undeniable fact that this chance persuades the country to get developed even more as the visitors to sport events can enrich its budget. However, it should not be neglected that there is not a single factor in the world, which is superior to human's dignity. There is no final benefit from being number one in world lists, if its population suffers from poverty or poor living standards. Therefore, it is my firm belief that, the needy people should nof be forgotten before distributing state's money on sports. Taking everything into consideration it can be concluded that the government should take into account the needs of the poor people and their life, standards prior to allocating vast amount of its funds to sports which only give it the word of high repertoire.
In recent years, there have
been witnessed
to considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitudes towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. One conspicuous example of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in ever-increasing number of disputes whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on improving its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities or that fund should be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
on enhancing the living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. It seems to me that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
should
be granted
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
instead
of wasting it on sports.

It is
generally
known that numerous countries are
currently
paying considerable attention to developing their status among other states by exploiting a vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of their budgets to repair its rating over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the inadequate lifestyle of the population who are
really
in need. From my critical point of view, they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the ultimate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
ethelon
of the society, which includes increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that
is allocated
to build a single tremendous football arena, could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
eract
tens of buildings which offer job opportunities for the needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It seems to me that creating work places for them could be a solution to eliminate poverty among they, as they have a stable income by working.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
who
strongly
claim that a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of states
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "budgets"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'budget' is not always incorrect.)
budget
should definitely
be spent
on advancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
opportunities as they are great importance when their ranking
are decided
globally. They
strictly
state that by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
opportunities the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
be granted
as a host country to world-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as Olympic Games or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cups. It is undeniable fact that this chance persuades the country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
developed even more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
the visitors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
can enrich its budget.
However
, it should not
be neglected
that there is not a single factor in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which is superior to human's dignity. There is no final benefit from being number one in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
lists, if its population suffers from poverty or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
.
Therefore
, it is my firm belief that, the needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
Possible spelling mistake found.
nof
be forgotten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
distributing state's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on sports.

Taking everything into consideration it can
be concluded
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take into account the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
standards
prior to allocating vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of its funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give it the word of high repertoire.
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IELTS essay "Too much money spent on sport when it could be used to help the poor. " What is your view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
408 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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