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Too much attention and resources are given to protect wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

Too much attention and resources are given to protect wild animals and birds. 752n3
Some people hold an opinion that wild animals and winged creatures are gaining redundant attention and resources. Personally, I disagree with this viewpoint since there are other fields that need resolution still exist. On the one hand, it is undeniable that protection of those animals is certainly necessary. To start with, due to humans’ illegal act of trying to make personal profits from exploiting those creatures, an increasing number of animals and birds are declining gradually. For example, some valuable body parts of those are taken away with the pursuit of selling lucratively to potential customers, further contributing to the irresolution of the extinction around the world. Moreover, wild animals and birds play a vital role in balancing the entire ecosystem as well as the food chain. Obviously, without such animals, not only will other living creatures be affected but humans will definitely suffer from the unprecedented change. On the other hand, I believe that this is not necessary to pay too much heed to keep wild animals and winged ones safe. First, taking priority urgent problems over this one would be more reasonable. In fact, there is a large body of people living on the breadline are coping with homelessness and hunger and actually wish to receive help. Another considerable issue that we should solve is education and health issues. Take the COVID-19 pandemic as an example, most citizens are undergoing a quite challenging time suffering from the spread of coronavirus with over 200000000 patients having catched positive for the virus. For this reason, the number-one concern should be people health. In conclusion, it seems to me that paying too much attention and resources to protect wild animals and birds is not the most urgent thing. When it comes to such a present-day situation, what matters now is health and poverty.
Some
people
hold an opinion that wild
animals
and winged creatures are gaining redundant attention and resources.
Personally
, I disagree with this viewpoint since there are other fields that need resolution
still
exist. On the one hand, it is undeniable that protection of those
animals
is
certainly
necessary. To
start
with, due to humans’ illegal act of trying to
make
personal profits from exploiting those creatures, an increasing number of
animals
and birds are declining
gradually
.
For example
,
some
valuable body parts of those
are taken
away with the pursuit of selling
lucratively
to potential customers,
further
contributing to the irresolution of the extinction around the world.
Moreover
, wild
animals
and birds play a vital role in balancing the entire ecosystem
as well
as the food chain.
Obviously
, without such
animals
, not
only
will other living creatures be
affected
but
humans will definitely suffer from the unprecedented
change
.
On the other hand
, I believe that this is not necessary to pay too much heed to
keep
wild
animals
and winged ones safe.
First
, taking priority urgent problems over this one would be more reasonable. In fact, there is a large body of
people
living on the breadline are coping with homelessness and hunger and actually wish to receive
help
. Another considerable issue that we should solve is education and health issues. Take the COVID-19 pandemic as an example, most citizens are undergoing a quite challenging time suffering from the spread of coronavirus with over 200000000 patients having
catched
positive
for the virus.
For this reason
, the number-one concern should be
people
health.
In conclusion
, it seems to me that paying too much attention and resources to protect wild
animals
and birds is not the most urgent thing. When it
comes
to such a present-day situation, what matters
now
is health and poverty.
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IELTS essay Too much attention and resources are given to protect wild animals and birds.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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