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Today, with technological advancements and cheaper flight, the world has become a smaller place. Travelling is, therefore, one of the most important activities that people do to refresh themselves. While it is well acknowledged that the number of people travelling abroad on their holidays has increased considerably, many still believe that more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country in the future. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Today, with technological advancements and cheaper flight, the world has become a smaller place. Travelling is, therefore, one of the most important activities that people do to refresh themselves. While it is well acknowledged that the number of people travelling abroad on their holidays has increased considerably, many still believe that more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country in the future. aAMKV
Nowadays, with the development of technology as well as transportation, travelling has become more easily and popularly. It seems to me that there are a lot of people go abroad on their vacations instead of stay in own country despite the fact that both of them have own benefits. On the one hand, I would mention about the reasons why people want to travel abroad. Firstly, when people are able to earn much money, they tend to spend their spare time enjoying life. Therefore, travelling to another country is chosen to be one of the most interesting activities. Moreover, travelling also produces them a chance for them to visit a number of famous places, enjoy a lot of strange and delicious foods, and participate in various traditional festivals. Thus, they can understand more about cultures of other countries. That sounds very wonderful due to the fact that they become more knowlegeable. Furthermore, it is an opportunity for making friends with foreign people. They will meet a lot of people who are interested in travelling abroad like them. Therefore, it is easy for them to get acquaintance with each other and share about their hobbies. Through that, they can be easy to learn foreign languages. On the other hand, going on holidays in their own country also has several advantages. First of all, the cost of trip is not too expensive, so they have many various destinations to choose as well as they can save much money for the rainy days. Besides that, spending holidays in own country has less problems than that in another country. They can choose some familiar and safe destinations to go. Or when they face any difficulties, they can ask helps immediately because others can understand their language.
Nowadays, with the development of technology
as well
as transportation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
has become more
easily
and
popularly
. It seems to me that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go abroad on their vacations
instead
of stay in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
despite the fact that both of them have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.

On the one hand, I would
Did you mean simply "mention the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
mention about the
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to travel abroad.
Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to earn much money, they tend to spend their spare time enjoying life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is chosen
to be one of the most interesting activities.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
also
produces them a chance for them to visit a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
places, enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strange and delicious foods, and participate in various traditional festivals.
Thus
, they can understand more about cultures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. That sounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wonderful due to the fact that they become more
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlegeable
.
Furthermore
, it is an opportunity for making friends with foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad like them.
Therefore
, it is easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquaintance with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and share about their hobbies. Through that, they can be easy to learn foreign languages.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, going on holidays in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
has several advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the cost of trip is not too expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various destinations to choose
as well
as they can save much money for the rainy days.
Besides
that, spending holidays in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun problems is countable.
less
problems than that in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. They can choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
familiar and safe destinations to go. Or when they face any difficulties, they can ask
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
others can understand their language.
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IELTS essay Today, with technological advancements and cheaper flight, the world has become a smaller place. Travelling is, therefore, one of the most important activities that people do to refresh themselves. While it is well acknowledged that the number of people travelling abroad on their holidays has increased considerably, many still believe that more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country in the future.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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