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too many toys for children

too many toys for children x032y
Many people try to offer the best for their kids; therefore, they buy many toys for their kids. While this phenomenon has many advantages when it teaches kids and makes them feel they are valued, it still has disadvantages from selfish and careless perspective. Firstly, although buying many toys for children seems to be demanding financially, it has many merits which develops kid's skills and personality. Kids can't perfect practical skills unless they were raised to use their hand efficiently. Thus, buying toys would incite kids to use their hand, and to develop their muscles ability. Furthermore, the more toys kid has the more dignity he would have at adulthood time. Due to the fact that kids who aren't deprived feel that they are important element in their families, this would positive impact on their personality and results a respectful teenagers and responsible toward their societies. Secondly, although buying too many toys for kids have negative consequences on themselves, the main disadvantages would result in a society rather than families. If the kid earns anything that he wants, he will not be worried about losing anything. In light of this, kids who have everything tend to have more careless and not worried. Moreover, in spite of the fact that some kids who own many games have sharing sense, the vast majority of them are selfish. Once the kid was selfish, he might violate or steel others' right because he used to have everything. Hence, the parents have to be wise with their purchase otherwise their kid would be harm for families and societies. In conclusion, many toys for kids have pros and cons on both individuals and societies. Extremism of deprivation or granting would spoil the kids' moral and personality, and have negative impact on society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try to offer the best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
;
therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. While this phenomenon has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages when it teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel they
are valued
, it
still
has disadvantages from selfish and careless perspective.

Firstly
, although buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for children seems to be demanding
financially
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits which develops kid's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and personality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
can't perfect practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
unless they
were raised
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their hand
efficiently
.
Thus
, buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
would incite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their hand, and to develop their muscles ability.
Furthermore
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
has the more dignity he would have at adulthood time. Due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who aren't deprived feel that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element in their families, this would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their personality and results a respectful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and responsible toward their societies.

Secondly
, although buying too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on themselves, the main disadvantages would result in a society
rather
than families. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
earns anything that he wants, he will not
be worried
about losing anything. In light of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who have everything tend to have more careless and not worried.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
games have sharing sense, the vast majority of them are selfish. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
was selfish, he might violate or steel others' right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have everything.
Hence
, the parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be wise with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
otherwise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
would be harm for families and societies.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have pros and cons on both individuals and societies. Extremism of deprivation or granting would spoil the kids' moral and personality, and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on society.

IELTS essay too many toys for children

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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