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told about the first time take a risk

told about the first time take a risk MlpnN
I am not the person who enjoy taking risks, I prefer playing safe. I always explore all avenues before doing something that not very safe. I can't imagine if I was put in danger, so I have never climbed mountains, stayed up too late, played skydiving or any extreme sports. However, when I was in middle school, I took part in a running competition- the first risk I have taken. It does not sounds too risky, but it's the first time I take a sport that requires vigoruos exercise. Until now, every time I recall that experience, it's so vivid. That contest is called Healthy Phu Dong Association, any student can participate (of course on a voluntary basis). Though i did not register, my name was appeared on the contest list. Maybe it's a joke of my friends. I would be very confident if the track was only 100-200 meters long instead of 1 kilometer. My emotions at that time were surprise, worry and a little excitement. I had seemed to be out of my depth and I wondered from where to start, then I thought just let's face it. I started to plan my practice before the competition. I set a goal of jogging from my house to a market, the distance between them is almost the same as the race track. I did not think too much about the result of the conpetition, I just focused on practicing and trying my best. I knew it's not easy to be the champion, but no matter what, keep my chin up. The competition took place after I had practiced for more than 3 weeks, I got the first prize- a proud result for my class and for myself. I was no longer afraid to take risks but knew to acknowledge it. It's really a valuable lesson for growth.
I am not the person who enjoy taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, I prefer playing safe. I always explore all avenues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing something that not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
safe.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can't imagine if I
was put
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I have never climbed mountains, stayed up too late, played skydiving or any extreme sports.

However
, when I was in middle school, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in a running competition- the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
I have taken. It does not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "sound"?
sounds
too risky,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
the
first
time I take a sport that requires
Possible spelling mistake found.
vigoruos
exercise. Until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, every time I recall that experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vivid.

That contest
is called
Healthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phu
Dong Association, any student can participate (
of course
on a voluntary basis). Though
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
did not register, my name
was appeared
on the contest list. Maybe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a joke of my friends. I would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
confident if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
100-200 meters long
instead
of 1 kilometer. My emotions at that time
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
surprise, worry and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
excitement. I had seemed to be out of my depth and I wondered from where to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's face it.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to plan my practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the competition.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
set a goal of jogging from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to a market, the distance between them is almost the same as the race
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
too much about the result of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
conpetition
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focused on practicing and trying my best.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
knew
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not easy to be the champion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no matter what,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
my chin up.

The competition took place after I had practiced for more than 3 weeks, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
first
prize- a proud result for my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and for myself. I was no longer afraid to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
knew to acknowledge it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
really
a valuable lesson for growth.
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IELTS essay told about the first time take a risk

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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