Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TOEFL essay: Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support your position. v.1

TOEFL essay: Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support your position. v. 1
As we live in society and belong to different social community, being influenced by other people to whom we relate is almost inevitable. Two of the most important social systems that have a large impact on our lives are family and peers. We are affected by our friends in several ways, but it is the family which will shape the outline of our lives. I feel this way for two reasons I will vastly explore in the following essay. To begin with, family members are the ones with whom we grow up, they teach us how to see the world we live in and influence our interpretation of experiences and events go around. They bring up and support us both intellectually and financially as we develop from infant to young adult, so it logically leads to being greatly dependent on family members. In addition, they know us well enough to give a guidelines on major decision in life. For example when I decided to go to university at that age, my father always told me how good I am at designing and encourages me to be an architect. On the other side friends will influence on our immediate life style for example what to have for fun, our clothing styles or help us in the course of life. Secondly because, young adults at that age spend most of their lives with family members or at most with relatives. So through this time children get familiar with their parents ideologies, theories about the people, society, events take place around us. They indicate us what is worth doing and what is not, how to relate people which will influence on our future social life, help us discover our talents and flourish them. For example I was born in a family with high ability in artistic activity, so I began to play piano when I was 4 and at this time right now I am very professional at it which without my parents enforcement I would never do that. And also lots of friend I have had at that time was because of my proficiency at playing music. Thirdly, family members influence on our friend choice unconsciously due to the way they train their children. For example everyone at school or other community attract to people who have the same goal as the other have. Or find people who meet their criterias. All in all, to put the issue into a nut shell, family influence on teenagers’ lives to a more extend than their friends. And that is mostly because of intellectual, financial dependency and the amount of time they spend with their family.
As we
live
in society and belong to
different
social community,
being influenced
by
other
people
to whom we relate is almost inevitable. Two of the most
important
social systems that have a large impact on our
lives
are
family
and peers. We are
affected
by our
friends
in several ways,
but
it is the
family
which will shape the outline of our
lives
. I feel this way for two reasons I will
vastly
explore in the following essay.

To
begin
with,
family
members
are the ones with whom we grow up, they teach us how to
see
the world we
live
in and
influence
our interpretation of experiences and
events
go around. They bring up and support us both
intellectually
and
financially
as we develop from infant to young adult,
so
it
logically
leads to being
greatly
dependent on
family
members
.
In addition
, they know us well
enough
to give
a guidelines
on major decision in life. For
example
when I decided to go to university at that age, my father always
told
me how
good
I am at designing and encourages me to be an architect. On the
other
side
friends
will
influence
on our immediate life style for
example
what to have for fun, our clothing styles or
help
us in the course of life.

Secondly
because
, young adults at that age spend most of their
lives
with
family
members
or at most with relatives.
So
through this
time
children
get
familiar with their parents ideologies, theories about the
people
, society,
events
take place around us. They indicate us what is worth doing and what is not, how to relate
people
which will
influence
on our future social life,
help
us discover our talents and flourish them. For
example I
was born
in a
family
with high ability in artistic activity,
so
I began to play piano when I was 4 and at this
time
right
now
I am
very
professional at it which without my parents enforcement I would never do that. And
also
lots of
friend
I have had at that
time
was
because
of my proficiency at playing music.

Thirdly
,
family
members
influence
on our
friend
choice
unconsciously
due to the way they train their children. For
example
everyone at school or
other
community attract to
people
who have the same goal as the
other
have. Or find
people
who
meet
their
criterias
.

All in all, to put the issue into a nut shell,
family
influence
on
teenagers
lives
to a more extend than their
friends
. And
that is
mostly
because
of intellectual, financial dependency and the amount of
time
they spend with their
family
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: Some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
441 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts