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TOEFL essay: A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TOEFL essay: A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
Donations are one of the primary sources of funds for many events, firms, NGOs, etc. They can be provided by Government or Private Companies as a help solving problems various problems in society. Some would prefer to donate the money to the artistic movement, but I think it should be used to solve environmental pollution. The continuous use of conventional energy resources like fossil fuels, nuclear power plants have polluted the environment, and there is an urgent need to prevent it. The ways in which this fund can help in the aforementioned cause is explored in this essay. First of all, this fund can help in setting up the newly found non-conventional energy source such as solar power plants, Ocean thermal energy conversion power plants. A huge amount of money is required in building these plants, and governments are struggling to collect that much money. So, if a donation by a private firm is made it would definitely help in this cause. As a result, if these plants are completed, they can potentially replace the polluting conventional energy sources and can help in preventing the pollution of the earth ecosystem. Moreover, unlike fossil fuels, these sources of energy are renewable, which means they do not get exhausted by continuous use. So, there will be no pressure over the earth from the extraction of energy from these resources. Second, it would help in making available latest technologies for the treatment of polluted air in some poor countries. Many nations are suffering from polluted air taking the lives of thousands of peoples every day: causing lung cancer and many other dangerous diseases. From this donation, polluting industries can replace old machines with new technologies which produce less pollution. Consequently, degradation of environment will be reduced and fewer peoples will die because of it. For the above-mentioned reasons, I think it is better to donate money to reduce pollution rather than in the field of arts. It would not only help governments in the production of new non-polluting power plants but more importantly will save the lives of thousands of people.
Donations are one of the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of funds for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, firms, NGOs, etc. They can
be provided
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
or Private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to solve" or "solve".
solving
problems various problems in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would prefer to donate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the artistic movement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to solve environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. The continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
resources like fossil fuels, nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
have polluted the environment, and there is an urgent need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it. The ways in which this fund can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the aforementioned cause
is explored
in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this fund can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in setting up the
newly
found non-conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
such as solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
, Ocean thermal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
conversion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
. A huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is required
in building these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are struggling to collect that much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“So , if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, if
a donation by a private firm
is made
it would definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in this cause.
As a result
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
are completed
, they can
potentially
replace the polluting conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in preventing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
of the earth ecosystem.
Moreover
, unlike fossil fuels, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
are renewable, which means they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exhausted by continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there will be no pressure over the earth from the extraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
from these resources.

Second, it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in making available latest technologies for the treatment of polluted air in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
nations are suffering from polluted air taking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of thousands of peoples every day: causing lung cancer and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases. From this donation, polluting industries can replace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
machines with new technologies which produce less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
Consequently
, degradation of environment will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and fewer peoples will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it.

For the above-mentioned reasons, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better to donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
rather
than in the field of arts. It would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in the production of new non-polluting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more
importantly
will save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL essay: A company is going to give some money either to support the arts or to protect the environment. Which do you think the company should choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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