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Today's young people like the freedom to pursue their dreams, they may be lonely on the way to their goals but it will help them become more independent, talented and have a strong belief to achieve their goals. achieve the goal they want

Today's young people like the freedom to pursue their dreams, they may be lonely on the way to their goals but it will help them become more independent, talented and have a strong belief to achieve their goals. achieve the goal they want RVNwY
Today, with the entry of western culture and the development of technology, the young people prefer to live independently and they don't seem to like to depent on their family even though their parents are very rich. Had you ever thought that the young people nowadays really smart and good at making money than before? I think the young people now are very good at catching changes and want to independent to be more grown up. Especially the rich kids because they know when they have a rich family and when they buy something, people can say it's because of their parents. And since then they want to be independent especially in terms of finances, they use social networks to sell their businesses online or use their advertising images to get more income. Or maybe they also want to be as good and rich as their parents, they learn from the best people so they can develop their own careers and be independent on their family and to be recognized by others that they are good without their parents. Today's young people like the freedom to follow their dreams, they may be lonely on the way to their goals but it will help them become more independent, talented and have a strong belief to achieve their goals.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, with the entry of western culture and the development of technology, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independently and
they don't seem to like to
Possible spelling mistake found.
depent
on their family
even though
their
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parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
. Had you ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
really
smart and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at making money than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
? I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
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good
at catching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and want to
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independent
to be more grown up.
Especially
the
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rich
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know when they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
family and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something,
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people
can say it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. And since then they want to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
especially
in terms of finances, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social networks to sell their businesses online or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their advertising images to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more income. Or maybe they
also
want to be as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they learn from the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers and be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
on their family and to
be recognized
by others that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like the freedom to follow their dreams, they may be lonely on the way to their goals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
, talented and have a strong belief to achieve their goals.
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IELTS essay Today's young people like the freedom to pursue their dreams, they may be lonely on the way to their goals but it will help them become more independent, talented and have a strong belief to achieve their goals. achieve the goal they want

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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