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Todays, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ? v.2

Todays, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. ? v. 2
Undoubtedly, advertisements are ubiquitous these days. It is argued that rise in selling of common commodities is the influence of ads not by the demand of people. However, I completely agree with the statement that top brands persuade consumer in a particular way and romanticized ads to catch people’s fancy. Firstly, commercials contaminate people minds to buy a product, whether it is vital for them or not because they inculcate in their thoughts that in order to be happy this is essential. For instance, a tourist company in Japan offers special 5 days and 4 night services in a hilly area they came up with the slogan that throw you frustrations and worries here, whereas people start believing that this is the sole solution to deter with their concerns. In other words, special tactics are used to augment their sales and attract people to quest for their happiness. Secondly, advertising companies are using extreme graphics and target certain audience. Ads in the market are solely made for the audience. For example, cloth selling companies hire beautiful and attractive models to target female gender for increasing their sale. Moreover ladies start fantasizing that they will look more beautiful similar to these models but in reality ad agencies use photoshop software to edit these pictures and these models are professional and they maintain their body and health so that they look charming. In conclusion, nowadays, effect of advertisements are clearly seen in sales of products despite the need of the nation due to high influencing commercial to target specific audience and they follow them blindly.
Undoubtedly
, advertisements are ubiquitous these days. It
is argued
that rise in selling of common commodities is the influence of ads not by the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that top brands persuade consumer in a particular way and romanticized ads to catch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
fancy.

Firstly
, commercials contaminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
minds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product, whether it is vital for them or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they inculcate in their thoughts that in order to be happy this is essential.
For instance
, a tourist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Japan offers special 5 days and 4 night services in a hilly area they came up with the slogan that throw you frustrations and worries here, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
believing that this is the sole solution to deter with their concerns.
In other words
, special tactics are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to augment their sales and attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to quest for their happiness.

Secondly
, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are using extreme graphics and target certain audience. Ads in the market are
solely
made for the audience.
For example
, cloth selling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and attractive models to target female gender for increasing their sale.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
ladies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fantasizing that they will look more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
similar to these models
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality ad agencies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
photoshop software to edit these pictures and these models are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
professional and
they maintain their body and health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they look charming.

In conclusion
, nowadays, effect of advertisements are
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in sales of products despite the need of the nation due to high influencing commercial to target specific
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
audience and
they follow them
blindly
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Todays, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. ? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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