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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Today young people misbehave more than those living in 50 years ago.

: Today young people misbehave more than those living in 50 years ago. VEPn3
Some people thinks that today young people misbehave more than those living in 50 years ago. Because today young people have more entertainment in this era. However, I disagree with the following statement that teenager live in now may have more attractive things than those living in 50 years ago but there are more laws to confine those bad habits. Firstly, teenagers can learn which behave are good or bad from school. Most of teenagers go to school in present society. Teachers teach them some basic manners and blame them when they are doing terrible behaviors. Teenagers can learn from mistake and don’t do it again. Take me for example, when I was study in junior high school, I learn how to smoke from my classmates. Our school teacher occur that we are smoking and punish us. Our teachers say that smoking is harmful to our body, so we don’t smoke anymore. However, living in 50 years ago most people don’t go to school in my country, Taiwan, therefore, those people can’t know that behaviors are good or bad. Secondly, laws are more strictly and have wonderful system in today society that teenagers misbehave will be punish. When teenagers have bad habits, some laws confine them. For instance, my friends gambling at school and teachers warn them but they still gambling. Teachers tell the police to catch them, my friends go to jail for four weeks. Nonetheless, if this kind of event happen in 50 years ago that no one will blame on them. Thus, laws are more perfect than those living in 50 years ago. Admittedly, some people thinks that there are more attractive things in our society and social media may led today young people to bad ways. However, I disagree with that following statement teenagers live in today society have correct information and knowledge can led them to the best way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
misbehave more than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in 50 years ago.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more entertainment in this era.
However
, I disagree with the following statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
may have more attractive things than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in 50 years ago
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to confine those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can learn which behave are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic manners and blame them when they are doing terrible behaviors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
can learn from mistake and don’t do it again. Take me
for example
, when I was study in junior high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I learn how to smoke from my classmates. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
occur that we are smoking and punish us. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
say that smoking is harmful to our body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we don’t smoke anymore.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in 50 years ago most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in my country, Taiwan,
therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can’t know that behaviors are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are more
strictly
and have wonderful system in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
misbehave will be
Consider using the past participle "punished"?
punish
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
confine them.
For instance
, my friends gambling at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
warn them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
gambling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the police to catch them, my friends go to jail for four weeks. Nonetheless, if this kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
happen in 50 years ago that no one will blame on them.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are more perfect than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in 50 years ago.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that there are more attractive things in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and social media may led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
ways.
However
, I disagree with that following statement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
have correct information and knowledge can led them to the best way.
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IELTS essay : Today young people misbehave more than those living in 50 years ago.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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