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today women have more opportunities. this is believed to cause more negative effects. what is your opinion?

today women have more opportunities. this is believed to cause more negative effects. what is your opinion? pebe2
Today, we see more women than ever before get more chances to realize themselves in terms of employment and education. I believe that while in educational terms it is quite advantageous, adverse effects can be seen due to new career prospects given. To begin with, as it is commonly thought, promotion of equality in a job market helps to sustain financial stability in families. Moreover, unlike past discrimination regarding the gender of employees, females, now, have better career path and, as a result, can help family be financially secure to buy proper nutrition, get education sounds and good medicine service. Nevertheless, more serious and deeper issues with respect to children’s upbringing arise. To be more clear, a kid growing up in a dual-income family is, most of the time, lack of parental attention and mother’s affection. This, as a consequence, brings about abnormal behavior in children as well as destructive relationships with parents. Opportunities to study, on the other hand, provided to females have an opposite effect on the development of community. To put it another way, compared to previous generations, modern women are more educated and finish master’s degree. This, consequently, promotes the concept of the importance of being intelligent, not only because higher proportion of world’s population is educated, but also a nation is taught by mums at their own place, even if women is not working. Needless to say, that intelligence gained throughout the years inherits from one to another generation, which is why teaching females is a positive improvement. To sum up, giving more freedom women has both positive and negative consequences.
Today
, we
see
more
women
than ever
before
get
more chances to realize themselves in terms of employment and education. I believe that while in educational terms it is quite advantageous, adverse effects can be
seen
due to new career prospects
given
.

To
begin
with, as it is
commonly
thought
, promotion of equality in a job market
helps
to sustain financial stability in families.
Moreover
, unlike past discrimination regarding the gender of employees, females,
now
, have better career path and,
as a result
, can
help
family be
financially
secure to
buy
proper nutrition,
get
education sounds and
good
medicine service.
Nevertheless
, more serious and deeper issues with respect to children’s upbringing arise. To be more
clear
, a kid growing up in a dual-income family is, most of the time, lack of parental attention and mother’s affection. This, as a consequence, brings about abnormal behavior in children
as well
as destructive relationships with parents.

Opportunities to study,
on the other hand
, provided to females have an opposite effect on the development of community. To put it another way, compared to previous generations, modern
women
are more educated and finish master’s degree. This,
consequently
, promotes the concept of the importance of being intelligent, not
only
because
higher proportion of world’s population
is educated
,
but
also
a nation
is taught
by
mums at
their
own
place, even if
women
is not working. Needless to say, that intelligence gained throughout the years inherits from one to another generation, which is why teaching females is a
positive
improvement.

To sum up, giving more freedom
women
has both
positive
and
negative
consequences.
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IELTS essay today women have more opportunities. this is believed to cause more negative effects. what is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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