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Today, people are getting greedy and selfish. Some people argue that we should go back to the old days, and show respect for the family and community, so that we can make the world a better place to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today, people are getting greedy and selfish. Some people argue that we should go back to the old days, and show respect for the family and community, so that we can make the world a better place to live in. do3w7
Perhaps the tendency inward individualism has never been clearer than it is now. People seem to become increasingly self-centred and snobbish. I side with those people who believe that reviving the bygone concept of family and community is important The rise of egoism has profound consequences on the unity of a family, causing the breakdown of family solidarity. Every component of a family can be detrimentally affected, if one member is egoistic. "Blood is thicker than water", as an old saying indicates. People will turn to family first if they are confronted with problems. People used to live in a community in which they lived according to an ethos of sharing and caring, but nowadays, members of a family tend to work separately for their individual benefits. They are ignorant of the fact that families not only give them tangible benefits (e. g. , financial aid), but also otter emotional support from which they obtain strength, comfort and confidence. Egoism also causes people to ignore the good of the community, a problem that is disruptive to the community. So greedy are some people that they can go so far to engage in illegal activities. For example, some merchants earn handsome incomes from producing disqualified products and cajoling people to buy what they do not actually need. They, meanwhile, refuse to plough back any fraction of their income to the community. Individuals become indifferent to others' interests and the relationship between individual members tends to become superficial, transient and ad hoc. People remain as onlookers when neighbours ask for help, and social solidarity has been dismantled in front of the overwhelming egoism. As shown above, greedy and egoism are set to bring both the society and the families in grave trouble. The best way to prevent people from further loss in social solidarity and community unity is to reconstruct the concept of family and community, show esteem to one's family, friends, neighbours and even acquaintances, and recover a sense of community and social cohesion.
Perhaps the tendency inward individualism has never been clearer than it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
seem to become
increasingly
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
and snobbish. I side with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that reviving the bygone concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
important


The rise of egoism has profound consequences on the unity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, causing the breakdown of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
solidarity. Every component of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can be
detrimentally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, if one member is egoistic.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Blood is thicker than water
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying indicates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
first
if they
are confronted
with problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
according to an ethos of sharing and caring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays, members of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tend to work
separately
for their individual benefits. They are ignorant of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give them tangible benefits (
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
financial aid),
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
otter emotional support from which they obtain strength, comfort and confidence.

Egoism
also
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
, a problem
that is
disruptive to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
greedy are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they can go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far to engage in illegal activities.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merchants earn handsome incomes from producing disqualified products and cajoling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what they do not actually need. They, meanwhile, refuse to
Possible spelling mistake. 'plough' is British English.
plough
back any fraction of their income to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Individuals become indifferent to others' interests and the relationship between individual members tends to become superficial, transient and ad hoc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
remain as onlookers when
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, and social solidarity has
been dismantled
in front of the overwhelming egoism.

As shown above, greedy and egoism
are set
to bring both the society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in grave trouble. The best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
further
loss in social solidarity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
unity is to reconstruct the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
esteem to one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, friends,
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and even acquaintances, and recover a sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and social cohesion.
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IELTS essay Today, people are getting greedy and selfish. Some people argue that we should go back to the old days, and show respect for the family and community, so that we can make the world a better place to live in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Today, people are getting greedy and selfish. Some people argue that we should go back to the old days, and show respect for the family and community, so that we can make the world a better place to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?