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In many countries is a widening gap between the rich and the poor

In many countries is a widening gap between the rich and the poor VBy3K
At the turn of the 21st century, the wealth is increasing, but the poor are going deep into debts in many countries. The developed countries, such as Turkey, USA, Russia, has the biggest gap between the rich and the poor. One of the main problem to this is education. Nowadays quality study has become very expensive. There are a lot of schools, colleges and universities, which are very costly to pay and the poor cannot pay for it. Due to this, these people are not able to complete high educations to work in high and well-paid job. Another problem is that, people are different. The rich work hard to live in a luxurious life, and they think about their future. The poor are live only with todays life. Fortunately, there are two solutions. First of all, the government should ensure learning and employment opportunities should be given to poor. Secondly, governments should provide financial support for people, who are living under uncomfortable circumstances. To conclude, I believe that we as a human everyone has right to get an access to the education and a quality life.
At the turn of the 21st century, the wealth is increasing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are going deep into debts in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, such as Turkey, USA, Russia, has the biggest gap between the rich and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. One of the main problem to this is education. Nowadays quality study has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
schools, colleges and universities, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly to pay and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
cannot pay for it. Due to this, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not able to complete high educations to work in high and well-paid job. Another problem is that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. The rich work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a luxurious life, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their future. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
life.

Fortunately
, there are two solutions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure learning and employment opportunities should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should provide financial support for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are living under uncomfortable circumstances.

To conclude
, I believe that we as a human everyone has right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to the education and a quality life.
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IELTS essay In many countries is a widening gap between the rich and the poor

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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