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Today much of the food people eat get imported from farms that are thousands of miles away. Would the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Today much of the food people eat get imported from farms that are thousands of miles away. Would the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Ex6b
It is true that a lot of food which we are currently eating are imported from faraway farms. I do think that we get more benefits from such kind of food supply chain than we lose. Admittedly, there are shortcomings during the process of faraway production and transportation. First, the transportation caused by long-distance supply is not environmentally friendly. During transportation, those planes, ships, and tracks produce gas pollution such as CO2 and SO2, which would accelerate the procedure of global warming. Caused by the growth of concentrate farming in the past few decades, the mass production of food caused a lot of environmental problems around the plants such as water pollution and deterioration of land. However, producing food in some places and deliver them all over the world have many advantages. As production is concentrated, the process of producing food can be more efficient because farmers can now choose the best place to farm. With the better choice of the location, the yearly output can be maximized, and the transportation becomes more convenient. Meanwhile, by reducing the number of farms, food supplied to the whole world is produced in several or even one plant. In this way, the quality of one product can be exactly the same, no matter where people buy them. In conclusion, even though long-distance shipping has many shortcomings, reducing the number of farms makes production more efficient and stable. In the future, more renewable energy should be used during transportation in order to protect the environment.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which we are
currently
eating
are imported
from faraway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farms
. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits from such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply chain than we lose.

Admittedly
, there are shortcomings during the process of faraway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
caused by long-distance supply is not
environmentally
friendly. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
, ships, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
produce gas pollution such as CO2 and SO2, which would accelerate the procedure of global warming. Caused by the growth of concentrate farming in the past few decades, the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
environmental problems around the plants such as water pollution and deterioration of land.

However
, producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places and deliver them all over the world have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
is
The usual preposition for "concentrate" is "on", "in", or "at", not ",". Do you mean "concentrated on", "concentrated in", or "concentrated at"?
concentrated,
the process of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can be more efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
farmers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
choose the best place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
. With the better choice of the location, the yearly output can
be maximized
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
becomes more convenient. Meanwhile, by reducing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farms
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supplied to the whole world
is produced
in several or even one plant. In this way, the quality of one product can be exactly the same, no matter where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.

In conclusion
,
even though
long-distance shipping has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shortcomings, reducing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
more efficient and stable.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the future, more renewable energy should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
in order to protect the environment.
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IELTS essay Today much of the food people eat get imported from farms that are thousands of miles away. Would the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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