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Today, more people than ever are travelling around the world. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Today, more people than ever are travelling around the world. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? OVqrM
Nowadays a lot of people travelling to other countries. This number of journeys the biggest of all time. It has cons and pros. In pros it has some profits for country which has rich history or warm climate. Because a bunch of tourists buying souvenirs, going to museums, getting excursions, etc. That actions refill city budget and a lot of countries are living relying on tourists. Also developed tourism makes new jobs and raises salaries. In this connection economic of the country rises as well. On incoming funds government can afford to build more touristic places or fix old ones. In cons, first of all, we have problems with environment. Because of a large amount of tourists, they leave tons of junk. Also what should be definitely banned is killing animals on safaris in Africa. Sometimes tourists steal parts of historic buildings for souvenirs. Fortunately, border guards oftenly catch those little thiefs and return looted parts. Yes, developed tourism makes new jobs, as long as travellers making demand for services. However, if tourist-based country closes from tourists (during epidemic for instance), it collide with plummet of number of jobs. Inasmuch as the country used to live on tourist-based economic system, it would has some difficulties to update their current system to something else. In conclusion travelling around the world is a great thing in mostly part, but we can not forget about damage which environment has thanks to tourism and we should stop to relying only on tourists.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelling to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This number of journeys the biggest of all time. It has cons and pros.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "pros, it".
pros it
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
profits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which has rich history or warm climate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
a bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
buying souvenirs, going to museums, getting excursions, etc. That actions refill city budget and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are living relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
Also
developed tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
new jobs and raises salaries. In this connection economic of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
rises
as well
. On incoming funds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can afford to build more touristic places or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones.

In cons,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, we have problems with environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
tons of junk.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
what should be definitely banned is killing animals on safaris in Africa.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
steal parts of historic buildings for souvenirs.
Fortunately
, border guards
Possible spelling mistake found.
oftenly
catch those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "thieves", the plural form of the noun 'thief'?
thiefs
and return looted parts. Yes, developed tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
new jobs, as long as
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
making demand for services.
However
, if tourist-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
closes from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
(during epidemic
for instance
), it
Did you mean "collides"?
collide
with plummet of number of jobs. Inasmuch as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on tourist-based economic system, it would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties to update their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
system to something else.

In conclusion
travelling around the world is a great thing in
mostly
part,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can not forget about damage which environment has thanks to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tourism and
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to relying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
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IELTS essay Today, more people than ever are travelling around the world. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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