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Nowadays,more and more older people who need employment have to compare with young people for the same job.

Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment have to compare with young people for the same job. r8MY2
There is a growing number of different kinds of jobs in modern time. However, the problem that elderly employees these days have to face is that younger employees are having greater employment opportunities than them. This essay will discuss the reasons why this is happening as well as put forward several resolutions for this issue. The are two main reasons have caused for this phenomenon. The first reason is that in this advanced technology time, young employees are able to gain knowledge hugely in various convenient ways. This fact truly helps them in getting qualified degrees. Coursera, for instance, which have provided more than thousands of free online courses for many students who lived in developing countries. The second reason is that elderly employees are lacking investment in building up their professional, so they are reached easily by the youngers. The difficulties in use of modern technology and the lack of health or time are those reasons that limit them from gaining higher knowledge. Teacher is a prime example as a competing job. Younger teachers are often chosen because they are young, active and creative. Nevertheless, governments and employment organizations can take some measures to tackle this issue. First, a great incentive that governments are able to do in order to encourage old employees keep studying is financing supplying. This fund can be held by local governments and directly assign to old people those who desire to study higher. Second, companies should be responsible for creating an equally working environment for both young people and older people. They have their own strengths and they can contribute effectively to the companies if they are recruited wisely. Besides, old people who want to get an ideal job need to motivate themselves by keep learning and achieving more greater career goals. In conclusion, there are some known reasons for this problem. After all, as the above ideas have declared, old people can self - solving this problem by keep updating themselves
There is a growing number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of jobs in modern time.
However
, the problem that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face is that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are having greater employment opportunities than them. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why this is happening
as well
as put forward several resolutions for this issue.

Did you mean "they are" or "there are"?
The are
two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
have caused for this phenomenon. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that in this advanced technology time, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are able to gain knowledge
hugely
in various convenient ways. This fact
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in getting qualified degrees. Coursera,
for instance
, which have provided more than thousands of free online courses for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are lacking investment in building up their professional,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
are reached
easily
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
. The difficulties in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern technology and the lack of health or time are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that limit them from gaining higher knowledge. Teacher is a prime example as a competing job. Younger teachers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
chosen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are young, active and creative.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and employment organizations can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to tackle this issue.
First
, a great incentive that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are able to do in order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
studying is financing supplying. This fund can
be held
by local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
directly
assign to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those who desire to study higher. Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should be responsible for creating an
equally
working environment for both young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
strengths and
they can contribute
effectively
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
if they
are recruited
wisely
.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an ideal job need to motivate themselves by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
learning and achieving
Use only "greater" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more greater
career goals.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this problem.
After all
, as the above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
have declared,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can self
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
solving this problem by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updating
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
themselves
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IELTS essay Nowadays, more and more older people who need employment have to compare with young people for the same job.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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