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Today more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive and negative development? v.1

Today more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive and negative development? v. 1
Starting family at around thirties has gained popularity and became more and more common among adults in recent years. However, I believe that this trend has wholly positive impact on our society for two reasons. Firstly, people became more responsible, when they got older and a chance of divorcing will be dramatically reduced. Older people always care about their family and children by virtue of higher sense of responsibility compared to younger generation. A good illustration of that is most young people start their family without a true perception of family, as a result the majority of them got divorced. While, some might believe that the older people getting are, the more selfish they are, but I argue that adults at their thirties are becoming put others at first. Another positive impact of the late marriage is financial state of people. In other words, people in their thirties or older are making quite sure of their own financial future before committing to a legal relationship. In this age people will be ready to supply their family with all necessities to live, especially with good life conditions. Moreover, feeding and growing up children is integral part of family, which require strength from parents, in that case those families prefer having their children older. Take interviews in Great Britain for example, an overwhelming majority of those said they would not have children unless they could afford to have them. To sum up, not only late marriage resulted in couples being more responsible, but it has also allowed people to build their career and be financially ready. Therefore, I believe that it is wholly positive development for our society.
Starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
at around thirties has gained popularity and became more and more common among adults in recent years.
However
, I believe that this trend has wholly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our society for two reasons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became more responsible, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
and a chance of divorcing will be
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by virtue of higher sense of responsibility compared to younger generation. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of
that is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
without a true perception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
as a result
the majority of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
divorced. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting are, the more selfish they are,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I argue that adults at their thirties are becoming put others at
first
.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of the late marriage is financial state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their thirties or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
are making quite sure of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
financial future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing to a legal relationship. In this age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be ready to supply their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with all necessities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
especially
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life conditions.
Moreover
, feeding and growing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which require strength from parents,
in that case
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
prefer having their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
. Take interviews in Great Britain
for example
, an overwhelming majority of those said they would not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unless they could afford to have them.

To sum up, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
late marriage resulted in couples being more responsible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to build their career and be
financially
ready.
Therefore
, I believe that it is wholly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for our society.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive and negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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