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Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Nowadays if you look at dietitians offices We can see so many overs people who are seeking for These days the number of overweight people is constantly increasing. One of the important reasons of this epidemic is increasing the rate of using fast foods in this era as people do not have enough time to make not ready nutritive meal most of them tend to consuming prepared food in addition more Individuals are persuaded to use an unhealthy and high calorie helping by some attractive advertising which care more about high-income event public health another important factor is sedentary lifestyle that most of people are involved in we can see in our modern world They are sitting or lying down because this kind of lifestyle seems easier due to modern technology. Firstly obesity results in incorrect functioning of human's body and contributes to increase the rate of some health disease and the risk of developing a number of chronic illnesses for example when the amount of body fat increases some of important veins in body can get blocked which can causes Moreover as the time passes the bodies lever get fatty and unhealthy and if individual do not care and left it untreated it ability to a cancer secondly overweight people are very unhealthy and often suffer from stress and tiredness where 4 of their work capacity and productivity begin to decrease For instance it has been proven that on obese person needs to put more efforts to complete some test when a person with normal weight In conclusion it is obvious that abasing become to a big problem that affects a lot of people nowadays it is mainly caused by inactive life style and bad eating habits and results in several health problems and loss of productivity.
Nowadays if you look at dietitians offices We can
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see
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
overs
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people
who are seeking for These days the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
constantly
increasing.

One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons of this epidemic is increasing the rate of using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods in this era as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
not ready nutritive meal most of them tend to consuming prepared food
in addition
more Individuals
are persuaded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
an unhealthy and high calorie helping by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attractive advertising which care more about high-income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
public health another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is sedentary lifestyle that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in our modern world They are sitting or lying down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this kind of lifestyle seems easier due to modern technology.

Firstly
obesity results in incorrect functioning of human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and contributes to increase the rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health disease and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing a number of chronic illnesses
for example
when the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
increases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
veins in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
can
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get
blocked which can causes
Moreover
as the time passes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
lever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fatty and unhealthy and if individual do not care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
it untreated
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun ‘it’. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it ability
to a cancer
secondly
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unhealthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tiredness where 4 of their work capacity and productivity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to decrease
For instance
it has
been proven
that on obese person needs to put more efforts to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
when a person with normal weight

In
The comma is probably missing here: “conclusion, it”.
conclusion it
is obvious that abasing become to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem that affects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays it is
mainly
caused by inactive
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
life style
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits and results in several health problems and loss of productivity.
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IELTS essay Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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