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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antactic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.2

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antactic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 2
The planet earth has some exotic places where you can enjoy the beauty of nature in its most natural state. Although these places are very difficult to travel to, an increasing number of traveleres are taking up the daunting tasks to do so. This essay will focus on the benefits and issues for the people who visits these places, despite the rough conditions. The most obvious benefit of touring to these extreme places is that you would find a scenic view that you would not find at other places. You will get to observe the mother nature in its purest form. For example, people who climbed up to the top of the Mount Everest said that what they saw at the top of the mountain was unlike anything they had ever seen. Being able to see the raw nature in its most gracious state is something to cherish for the rest of the life. However, there are downsides of throwing yourself in these rough conditions as it can take a toll on your health. Many people have faced severe injuries on their voyage to these places. Although few thousand people could climb up the Mount Everest, more had to stop their journey due to injuries at the extreme conditions. Moreover, lack of emergency medical assistance in these places also troubled many travelers. In conclusion, visiting places with extreme natural and other conditions is physically and mentally challenging. Despite the problems associated with traveling to these places, the thrust for raw natural beauty can only be satisfied at these places, and hence they are becoming more and more attractive to the modern age travelers.
The planet earth has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where you can enjoy the beauty of nature in its most natural state. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to travel to, an increasing number of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "travelers", the plural form of the noun 'traveler'?
traveleres
are taking up the daunting tasks to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This essay will focus on the benefits and issues for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "visit"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
visits
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, despite the rough conditions.

The most obvious benefit of touring to these extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is that you would find a scenic view that you would not find at other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. You will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to observe the mother nature in its purest form.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who climbed up to the top of the Mount Everest said that what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
at the top of the mountain was unlike anything they had ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. Being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the raw nature in its most gracious state is something to cherish for the rest of the life.

However
, there are downsides of throwing yourself in these rough conditions as it can take a toll on your health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have faced severe injuries on their voyage to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Although few thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could climb up the Mount Everest, more had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their journey due to injuries at the extreme conditions.
Moreover
, lack of emergency medical assistance in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
also
troubled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
travelers.

In conclusion
, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with extreme natural and other conditions is
physically
and mentally challenging. Despite the problems associated with traveling to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, the thrust for raw natural beauty can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be satisfied
at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, and
hence
they are becoming more and more attractive to the modern age travelers.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antactic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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