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Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. Discuss both sides of this issue. v.1

Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. v. 1
These days companies collect vast amounts of information about consumers, which has some favorable and unfavorable consequences. While allowing companies to collect customer data can help them create products that meet consumer demands, regulating this practice may be necessary because customer information is often stolen and/or used dishonestly. Even the most successful companies rarely produce a great product on their first try. Instead, they submit their first attempts to rigorous testing so they can improve what they’ve created over time. Collecting data about current and potential customers is an essential component of this process. Companies need to learn as much as possible about what customers like and don’t like, where they live, how old they are, and what they do with their purchase. The internet makes assembling these data easy and efficient, and smart companies take advantage of it. Since this process often leads to useful and enjoyable innovations, it seems reasonable that companies should be allowed to collect the data they need to improve their products. Unfortunately, customer data collection does not always lead to such positive outcomes. There are many examples in the news of financial institutions and large stores whose consumer data has been stolen and used for negative purposes. Companies that collect personal information and credit card numbers are particularly vulnerable to attack because this information can be used by criminals in a wide variety of ways. Furthermore, some companies sell their consumer data to third parties, such as insurance and medical providers, without disclosing this practice to consumers. Even if not technically illegal, this situation suggests that data collection should be restricted in some ways. Until regulations are put in place, we should all assume that everything we do online is public information and that companies will use it to enhance their profits. Some of these uses will be for good, while others should be regulated.
These days
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companies
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collect
vast amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
favorable and unfavorable consequences. While allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them create products that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
demands, regulating this practice may be necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
stolen and/or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
dishonestly
.

Even the most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
rarely produce a great product on their
first
try.
Instead
, they submit their
first
attempts to rigorous testing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
what they’ve created over time. Collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
is an essential component of this process.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
need to learn as much as possible about what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
like and don’t like, where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
they are, and what they do with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. The internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
assembling these
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data
easy and efficient, and smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
take advantage of it. Since this process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to useful and enjoyable innovations, it seems reasonable that
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companies
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their products.

Unfortunately,
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customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
collection does not always lead to such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples in the news of financial institutions and large stores whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
has
been stolen
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
purposes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collect
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and credit card numbers are
particularly
vulnerable to attack
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by criminals in a wide variety of ways.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to third parties, such as insurance and medical providers, without disclosing this practice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. Even if not
technically
illegal, this situation suggests that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
collection should
be restricted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.

Until regulations
are put
in place, we should all assume that everything we do online is public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to enhance their profits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
will be for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, while others should
be regulated
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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