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today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as sahara desert or the antarctic. what are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.3

today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as sahara desert or the antarctic. what are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 3
Over the last few years, the increase of travelling to inhabitable places is noticeable. Despite the fact that this kind of trips is extremely thrilling, but they also may cause dangerous incidents. In this essay I am going to shed some light on the advantages and disadvantages of these expeditions. Wandering to these rough places provides new experiences. One of the most influential experience, which can be practical in urban life, is that you get to face dangerous situations. The situations which you would never face in cities, such as water crisis and dealing with bad weather conditions. The other experience will be the adrenaline rush trough the ups and downs of these kind of journeys, that will fulfil the excitement of immobile and boring ordinary life. For example, travelling to intact places with unknown animal and plant species will both satisfy and endanger you, although the satisfaction will worth the risk. On the flip side, such journeys may go against our plans. These difficulties are unexpected, so you would not be able to handle all difficulties by your own. Also recently tourism is trying to dedicate harmful places as a quiet and enjoyable one despite the death danger. So many travellers have lost their ability over the curiosity of visiting antarctic, climbing mountains or even rafting in perilous rivers. Furthermore, these travels need to be held by professionals, the ones who know how to react in hard situations and also travellers need qualified safety, special cloths and proper food resource. Actually, the one who is willing to take such risk need to be trained for unanticipated condition. To recapture, the unforeseen travels are both thrilling and dangerous. Still a lot of people undertake the danger and wants to experience novel and unknown places.
Over the last few years, the increase of travelling to inhabitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is noticeable. Despite the fact that this kind of trips is
extremely
thrilling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
incidents. In this essay I am going to shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the advantages and disadvantages of these expeditions.

Wandering to these rough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
provides new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. One of the most influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, which can be practical in urban life, is that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations. The situations which you would never face in cities, such as water crisis and dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather conditions. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
will be the adrenaline rush trough the ups and downs of
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of journeys, that will fulfil the excitement of immobile and boring ordinary life.
For example
, travelling to intact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with unknown animal and plant species will both satisfy and endanger you, although the satisfaction will worth the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

On the flip side, such journeys may go against our plans. These difficulties
are unexpected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you would not be able to handle all difficulties by your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
recently tourism is trying to dedicate harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
as a quiet and enjoyable one despite the death
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
have lost their ability over the curiosity of visiting antarctic, climbing mountains or even rafting in perilous rivers.
Furthermore
, these travels need to
be held
by professionals, the ones who know how to react in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations and
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
need qualified safety, special cloths and proper food resource. Actually, the one who is willing to take such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
need to
be trained
for unanticipated condition.

To recapture, the unforeseen travels are both thrilling and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
undertake the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
novel and unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as sahara desert or the antarctic. what are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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