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Today, more and more parents depend on their children’s grandparents for childcare. Do you think this is a positive or negative trend?

Today, more and more parents depend on their children’s grandparents for childcare. Do you think this is a positive or negative trend? VqgO
In this era, both father and mother have to work in order to support their family expenditures. Although some individuals attach that to leave children with their grandparents has only negative effects, I totally believe that it provides both negative and positive trend. In this essay I will examine my views. The principal reason many people have a negative attitude towards children who grow up with their grandparents is that they would loss their relationship with father and mother. Furthermore, children possibly have bad behaviors if they live with elderly. For example, there are a plethora of cases that teenagers seem to be offensive with other people because they have been raised by their grandparents and those elder people always spoiled their grandchild. Besides, those children possibly do an aggressive action to their parents too. However, the main reason that support my good view about youngsters who raised by older relatives is that they can learn old tradition from their grandparents. It can be seen that in the globalization era, teenagers are almost forgot about old cultures. Staying with the elderly people is teaching them to learn about ancient life. For instance, in Thailand, most of elders are living at countryside. It means if the grandchild stays with their older parents, they can learn how to live without convenience facilities. Moreover, those children will also get a positive relationship with their relatives. In conclusion, even though teenagers might have a terrible behavior if they did not stay with their parents but in my point of view, it also give a good effect on relationship between relatives.
In this era, both father and mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work in order to support their family expenditures. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals attach that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, I
totally
believe that it provides both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend. In this essay I will examine my views.

The principal reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who grow up with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
is that they would
"loss" is a noun. Did you mean the verb "lose" (= 'to lose')?
loss
their relationship with father and mother.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
possibly
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behaviors if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with elderly.
For example
, there are a plethora of cases that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
seem to be offensive with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
been raised
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
and those elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always spoiled their grandchild.
Besides
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
possibly
do an aggressive action to their parents too.

However
, the main reason that support my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
view about youngsters who raised by older relatives is that they can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
tradition from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in the globalization era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are almost forgot about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
cultures. Staying with the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
teaching them to learn about ancient life.
For instance
, in Thailand,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the elders") or simply say "most elders".
most of elders
are living at countryside. It means if the grandchild stays with their older parents, they can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without convenience facilities.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
relationship with their relatives.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
might have a terrible behavior if they did not stay with their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my point of view, it
also
Did you mean "gives"?
give
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effect on relationship between relatives.

IELTS essay Today, more and more parents depend on their children’s grandparents for childcare. Do you think this is a positive or negative trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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