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The old tradition of a family having a meal together is disappearing. Why do you think is this happening? How does it affect individuals and the community?

The old tradition of a family having a meal together is disappearing. Why do you think is this happening? How does it affect individuals and the community? W37W
World is transitioning so fast that old traditions are disappearing before getting noticed. Among such traditions, having meals together as a family is the one affecting individual and community as a whole in certain ways. I feel reasons behind this change is fast paced life and continuous urge of children to stay from their parents after getting married. Unlike old period, both male and female partner are working long hours to support each other financially which gives them less time to spend with family. Additionally, culture is setting a new trend and people are becoming less acceptive than before. Newly married couples prefer staying in a nuclear family so that they can spend time together and avoid unwanted issues at home due to which meals are separately cooked. For instance, people go on dates or throw a private party and prefer staying with the same age group. Such rebellious nature of this generation is impacting them personally and socially. When families use to have meals together either they use to discuss matters of concern or grandparents use to tell stories of their childhood which would prove really helpful and make their bond even stronger but urge of staying in a nuclear family is snatching it away. Moreover, bonding with relatives, manners and hospitality was the thing which was subconsciously learned which people nowadays need to self-develop. People are becoming antisocial when it comes to meeting relatives. To conclude, these are only few reasons how individuals are affected and as we grow older we will realise that meal time should be family time and all should try to have at least one meal with whole family during the day.
World is transitioning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditions are disappearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting noticed. Among such traditions, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
together as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the one affecting individual and community as a whole in certain ways. I feel reasons behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life and continuous urge of children to stay from their parents after getting married.

Unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
period, both male and female partner are working long hours to support each other
financially
which gives them less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Additionally
, culture is setting a new trend and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming less
Possible spelling mistake found.
acceptive
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Newly
married couples prefer staying in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together and avoid unwanted issues at home due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are
separately
cooked.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go on dates or throw a private party and prefer staying with the same age group.

Such rebellious nature of this generation is impacting them
personally
and
socially
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
together either they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
discuss matters of concern or grandparents
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
stories of their childhood which would prove
really
helpful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their bond even stronger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
urge of staying in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is snatching it away.
Moreover
, bonding with relatives, manners and hospitality was the thing which was
subconsciously
learned which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays need to self-develop.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming antisocial when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to meeting relatives.

To conclude
, these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few reasons how individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and as we grow older we will
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and all should try to have at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
with whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
during the day.

IELTS essay The old tradition of a family having a meal together is disappearing. Why do you think is this happening? How does it affect individuals and the community?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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