Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, like the Olympic or the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, like the Olympic or the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more? b5MB
Many countries prepare their athletes for participating in international sporting events, like the Olympics or the World Cup by investing money in their training. It is often argued that children must be encouraged to do more exercise by offering them money so that they will participate in these events in the distant future. I agree with this argument. There is no denying the fact that children should be made capable of participating at these events as these events are of national importance. Participation at these events provides an opportunity for a country not only to showcase their talent at the international platform but also to enhance its image in front of the world. Therefore, to enhance national reputation, capable athletes who are on a par with international standards are required. Only if the countries encourage the children by offering money to do more exercise, can they be made capable of participating in these events. Thus, it is necessary to motivate the children to do more exercise so that they can participate in these events. Furthermore, offering money to encourage children to do exercise and to prepare them for these international events is necessary as it might change the mind of people, especially parents. Parents do not prefer their children to pursue a career in sports fields. If the children are given money to train, parents might allow their children to participate in sports. For example, developing countries like the United Kingdom tend to provide various sports scholarships to their children at the school. As a result, more children like to participate in and pursue their careers in sports. Therefore, the government needs to change the mind of people by sponsoring children to do more exercise. In conclusion, I believe that it is important for various countries to train their athletes for international sporting events. Children should be prepared to participate in these events by offering them money to exercise more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
prepare their athletes for participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, like the Olympics or the World Cup by investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their training. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be encouraged
to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in the distant future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument.

There is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be made
capable of participating at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are of national importance. Participation at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
provides an opportunity for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to showcase their talent at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
platform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to enhance its image in front of the world.
Therefore
, to enhance national reputation, capable athletes who are on a par with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
standards
are required
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, can they
be made
capable of participating in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Thus
, it is necessary to motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and to prepare them for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is necessary as it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
parents. Parents do not prefer their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to pursue a career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
fields. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to train, parents might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like the United Kingdom tend to provide various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
scholarships to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the school.
As a result
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in and pursue their careers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do more exercise.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to train their athletes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be prepared
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
more.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, like the Olympic or the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts