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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? RNkdQ
In the modern world, numerous children indulge their leisure time in playing video games and decreased duration in various sports activities. This is due to the increasing amount of different gaming platform that attracts young minds in playing games more often. I believe that these games can have a negative impact on their developmental stage similarly these can also act as an educational tool to boost their knowledge level. The preceding paragraphs will state the various factors for the given statement. Firstly, video games were played during summer breaks to avoid scorching heatwaves. Later on, playing computer games became a current trend for every child irrespective of the time. On one hand, these led to a decline in their overall mental and physical well-being. Children became addicted to the world of fantasies rather the reality. They also developed various health-related problems such as obesity, poor pragmatic skills and decreased vision all due to the increased amount of zooming into the game. For example, a few years ago, in the state of California where one student shot his classmates due to his aggressive behavior that was created by playing extremely violent games, the state government later banned the entire gaming platform for under-aged children to avoid further jeopardy in the future. On the other hand, computer games can also be used for educational purposes so that learning can become more enjoyable and interesting but under strict supervision and guidance. Secondly, Children should spend more time playing outdoor activities rather than just playing on computer games. Children who prefer to play different sports develop their skills required for their growth as well as it can also improve their health overall. These children will have more focus goals in life rather than just binging on fantasy world. They will be calm and composed in nature too. To conclude, spending too much time on computer games can sometimes have a negative development but if used properly these can be the best way to learn various skills required for the future and one can balance it by spending equal amount of time playing sports too.
In the modern world, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
indulge their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and decreased duration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
sports activities. This is due to the increasing amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gaming platform that attracts young minds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
. I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their developmental stage
similarly
these can
also
act as an educational tool to boost their knowledge level. The preceding paragraphs will state the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
factors for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement.

Firstly
, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were played
during summer breaks to avoid scorching heatwaves. Later on,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
became a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend for every child irrespective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. On one hand, these led to a decline in their
overall
mental and physical well-being.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
became addicted to the world of fantasies
rather
the reality. They
also
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
health-related problems such as obesity, poor pragmatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and decreased vision all due to the increased amount of zooming into the game.
For example
, a few years ago, in the state of California where one student shot his classmates due to his aggressive behavior that
was created
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
extremely
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
later banned the entire gaming platform for under-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to avoid
further
jeopardy in the future.
On the other hand
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for educational purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that learning can become more enjoyable and interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under strict supervision and guidance.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outdoor activities
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who prefer to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for their growth
as well
as it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health
overall
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have more focus goals in life
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
binging on fantasy world. They will be calm and composed in nature too.

To conclude
, spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
these can be the best way to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for the future and one can balance it by spending equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports too.
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IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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