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Some parent offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Some parent offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer BJlbp
It goes without saying that education is an important facet of our lives. We can see its influence on our mindsets, actions and decisions. In this regard, it is essential for children to take their education seriously. Therefore, there are some parents that reward their children who got high mark in their subjects with money. In my personal opinion and as far as I am concerned, I am on the same wavelength with them. I hold the idea that by offering external motivation like monetary rewards, we can encourage children to learn deeper, thereby having a successful school life. To begin with and as I mentioned earlier, one way to encourage children to study is offering external motivations. In other words, we can imply that they can be rewarded if they studied well. One of powerful external motivations is monetary rewards, simply money. By doing so, children are encouraged enough to study in order to acquire the prize money. Take my little brother as a case in point, he was not studying well on his subjects and was spending all his time gaming. To solve this, my parents offered him that they would buy him a PS4, a popular gaming console, if he studied well enough to get a high mark. Therefore, my brother, who was not interested in studying at all, suddenly was encouraged to make an effort to study. In this sense, I highly believe that encouraging children to study by extending monetary rewards is an efficient strategy. Moreover, it is like shooting two birds with one shot. To put it in simple words, not only do children get high marks, but they also learn the value of their efforts, let alone the fact that they can buy things they want with the money. They realize that making effort and spending time and energy on things that could help them to reach their goals is an essential task to do. Hence, later in life, they know they can reach their ends and accomplish great outcomes simply by taking steps and making efforts. Therefore again, I highly propound the idea of offering children monetary rewards for encouraging them to study and get high marks. To put the aforementioned in a nutshell, I think children should be encouraged to do tasks which they do not like very often such as studying. One good way to encourage them is offering some external motivation like money. As I stated above, I concur with this idea and believe that it is good.
It goes without saying that education is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facet of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
its influence on our mindsets, actions and decisions. In this regard, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to take their education
seriously
.
Therefore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
mark in their subjects with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my personal opinion and as far as I
am concerned
, I am on the same wavelength with them. I hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
, we can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn deeper, thereby having a successful school life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with and as I mentioned earlier, one way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivations
.
In other words
, we can imply that they can
be rewarded
if they studied well. One of powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivations
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
,
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in order to acquire the prize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Take my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
brother as a case in point, he was not studying well on his subjects and was spending all his time gaming. To solve this, my parents offered him that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
him a PS4, a popular gaming console, if he studied well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
mark.
Therefore
, my brother, who was not interested in studying at all,
suddenly
was encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. In this sense, I
highly
believe that encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by extending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
is an efficient strategy.

Moreover
, it is like shooting two birds with one shot. To put it in simple words, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
marks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
learn the value of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the fact that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things they want with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. They realize that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
and spending time and energy on things that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to reach their goals is an essential task to do.
Hence
, later in life, they know they can reach their ends and accomplish great outcomes
simply
by taking steps and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
again, I
highly
propound the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
for encouraging them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
marks.

To put the aforementioned in a nutshell, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
to do
tasks which they do not like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
such as studying. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to encourage them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
motivation
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. As I stated above, I concur with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
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IELTS essay Some parent offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
419 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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