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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? E37oQ
Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? Nowadays majority of children are using maximum time to play game on a computer and give less time on physical sport like football, cricket, and basketball etc. One of main reason is shortage of play ground and also prolific crime ratio. From negative aspect high number of time waste on computer is being poor health developed among pupils. In this essay I will answer the questions give authentic examples. First of all, some fundamental society’s factors. Such as, lack of parent’s attention on their children, uses of more common an innovative technology, shortage of play grounds, and prolific crime ratio, which is direct and indirectly affects our lifestyle these affect are connected each other like a chain and for preventive reason, the parents are happy to see their child at home. For avoid negative consequence of the factors It’s necessary to keep children busy in indoor activities. Such as, play video games one of most common activity among children in our society. Thanks our urbanization to developed complex apartments, shopping centers instead of wide play ground area. Secondly, due to high uses of the computer games, children are being leg behind from same age group and also poor health developed among kids. For example, according to latest Health Report which is quite concern that, psychological and physically weakness and obesity and laziness are common disease among children. So, If we have to overcome the grave issue, then its importance we have to take one step up, spread awareness and its negative consequence in society and also make sure encouragement of a child for outdoor sport activities. Conclusion, video game is good for kid engage for hours and end but they don’t help to develop overall requirement of a child.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on sports. Why is it? Is it a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development?

Nowadays
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are using maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game on a computer and give less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on physical sport like football, cricket, and basketball etc. One of main reason is shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
ground and
also
prolific crime ratio. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
aspect high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
waste on computer is being poor health developed among pupils. In this essay I will answer the questions give authentic examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental society’s factors. Such as, lack of parent’s attention on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of more common an innovative technology, shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
grounds, and prolific crime ratio, which is direct and
indirectly
affects our lifestyle
Did you mean "this affect" or "these affects"?
these affect
are connected
each other like a chain and for preventive reason, the parents are happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their child at home. For avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequence of the factors It’s necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
busy in indoor activities. Such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
one of most common activity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in our society. Thanks our urbanization to developed complex apartments, shopping centers
instead
of wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
ground area.

Secondly
, due to high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are being leg behind from same age group and
also
poor health developed among kids.
For example
, according to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
Health Report which is quite concern that, psychological and
physically
weakness and obesity and laziness are common disease among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, If we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
overcome the grave issue, then its importance we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take one step up, spread awareness and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
consequence in society and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure encouragement of a child for outdoor sport activities.

Conclusion, video game is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for kid engage for hours and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop
overall
requirement of a child.
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IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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