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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? DlY7W
Urbanization has taken over this 20th century in every field i. e. in technology, farming etc. This has majorly affected our family’s lifestyle specially our children who are adolescent or are about to become one. As technology has taken over the world, we see many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Primary reason of this change in lifestyle can be attributed to the advancement of technology. With technology touching every sphere of our lifestyle, the major impact can be seen on children. Educational system has become digitalis and so as their entertainment sources. While in 90’s and era become this student would spend most of their time in playing ground, today’s generation prefer playing games on computers. As playing on computers is not restricted to any time of the day and require less resources. Second reason is the effect of urbanization on the environment. With the deforestation and the emission of CFC are at peak this had the worse effect on the climatic conditions. The temperature rise in summers is increasing every year along with the length of the summer season. These changes make it impossible for the children to play in ground in the hot and humid conditions everyday which has led to further enhance their interest towards computer games. I term it as negative development as the children are becoming couch potatoes and the percentage of children suffering from obesity is increasing at a much faster rate. Along with obesity there are health problems associated with it the is high risk of developing heart disease and many other ailments. Also, children fail to develop interpersonal communication skills and stronger bonds with their peer groups as their interaction with them is limited to only school. But scientific studies have show that children who play video games better adapt to the difficult or problematic situations as compared to once who don’t play as the games makes them encounter situations which they have not yet encounter and in order to save them or win they should find solutions to them. Students also have higher resilience as failures doesn’t stop them from trying gain next time till the time the mission has been accomplished. Therefor, the arguments about whether computer games have positive or negative effect is always controversial as every change in the society has pros and cons associated with it. It’s the perception of people towards them that decide the final result.
Urbanization has taken over this 20th century in every field
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, farming etc. This has
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our family’s lifestyle
specially
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are adolescent or are about to become one. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has taken over the world, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on sports.

Primary reason of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in lifestyle can
be attributed
to the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
touching every sphere of our lifestyle, the major impact can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Educational system has become digitalis and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as their entertainment sources. While in
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "90s".
90’s
and era become this student would spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
ground,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
on computers is not restricted to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the day and require less resources.

Second reason is the effect of urbanization on the environment. With the deforestation and the emission of CFC are at peak this had the worse effect on the climatic conditions. The temperature rise in summers is increasing every year along with the length of
Consider using "summer".
the summer season
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it impossible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play in ground in the hot and humid conditions
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
which has led to
further
enhance their interest towards computer games.

I term it as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming couch potatoes and the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffering from obesity is increasing at a much faster rate. Along with obesity there are health problems associated with it the is high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing heart disease and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ailments.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fail to develop interpersonal communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and stronger bonds with their peer groups as their interaction with them
is limited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
school.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
scientific studies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
better adapt to the difficult or problematic situations as compared to once who don’t play as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them encounter situations which they have not
yet
encounter and in order to save them or win they should find solutions to them. Students
also
have higher resilience as failures doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from trying gain
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the mission has
been accomplished
.

Therefor, the arguments about whether computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect is always controversial as every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the society has pros and cons associated with it. It’s the perception of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards them that decide the final result.
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IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
410 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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