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Today family members do not eat meals together. Is this a positive or negative trend

Today family members do not eat meals together. Is this a positive or negative trend a7a7X
Nowadays, due to the generation gap and busywork, people in the family are more and more distant, especially in the meals. From my perspective, it causes plenty of drawbacks for every family. First of all, the impact of this problem is the attraction of the Internet where almost every child is addicted to social media. Therefore, in every meal, they will stay in their room for using social media without eating with the other family members. Moreover, sometimes this problem is the result of the parent's busywork, there are several parents who are glued to their job and do not spend time having meals with their children. Following that, when family members do not having dinner with each other, it can pose a serious threat to family relationship. In the meal, people not only enjoy the food but they also confide their stress or share they life story with family. Thus if they do not eat meal together frequently, they will unitentional create a barrier between family members because they do not understand each other. For instance, after numerous meals not gather around, they cannot find any habit or similar points with their family and having conversation between family members will be an arduous way in the future. In conclusion, not having the meals with family is the main reason for the generation gap and the conflict between family members. It totally is a negative trend not with just a family, it also affects to the society. .
Nowadays, due to the generation gap and busywork,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are more and more distant,
especially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. From my perspective, it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of drawbacks for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the impact of this problem is the attraction of the Internet where almost every child
is addicted
to social media.
Therefore
, in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
, they will stay in their room for using social media without eating with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this problem is the result of the parent's busywork, there are several parents who
are glued
to their job and do not spend time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
with their children. Following that, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
dinner with each other, it can pose a serious threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoy the food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
confide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or share
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they life
story with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
if they do not eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
together
frequently
, they will
Possible spelling mistake found.
unitentional
create a barrier between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not understand each other.
For instance
, after numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
not gather around, they cannot find any habit or similar points with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
conversation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
will be an arduous way in the future.
In conclusion
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the main reason for the generation gap and the conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. It
totally
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend not with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it
also
affects to the society.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Today family members do not eat meals together. Is this a positive or negative trend

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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