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A joint family system is far better than nuclear families, in terms of a child's upbringing. Do you agree or disagree?

A joint family system is far better than nuclear families, in terms of a child's upbringing. aQaxP
The environment is which the child is brought up has a significant role to play in its all round development. With advancements and modernisation, people are moving towards nuclear family system, which in my opinion is somewhat a negative progress as far as child's upbringing is considered. Therefore, I strongly agree with the given statement and will further quote my arguments to justify my opinion. To begin with, a child who has been brought up in a joint family will be far more enriched with social, moral and cultural values, as compared to the one brought up in a nuclear family. Moreover, when there are many family members in a family, it is easier to keep a track of the child and it is unlikely in such cases for a child to run into wrong paths. Additionally, growing among cousins will teach them the quality of cooperation, empathy and competitiveness. On the other hand, in nuclear families where parents have only one or two children tends to overpamper them, which results into children becoming rude, aggressive and non-compromising later on. To add more, in single families, where parents are usually trapped in rat race, fails to spend quality time with their children, leading them to feel lonely and isolated and may fall into depression. Lastly, living with just two or three members in a family may turn them into introverts or less social, which wight pose a huge problem for them when needed to adjust or adapt in a new environment. To sum up, i would say that joint family system is definitely better and much more beneficial for a child's overall development.
The environment is which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is brought
up has a significant role to play in its all round development. With advancements and
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are moving towards nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
system, which in my opinion is somewhat a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
progress as far as child's upbringing
is considered
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and will
further
quote my arguments to justify my opinion. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
who has
been brought
up in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will be far more enriched with social, moral and cultural values, as compared to the one brought up in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Moreover
, when there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it is easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and it is unlikely in such cases for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to run into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
paths.
Additionally
, growing among cousins will teach them the quality of cooperation, empathy and competitiveness.
On the other hand
, in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where parents have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one or two children tends to
Possible spelling mistake found.
overpamper
them, which results into children becoming rude, aggressive and non-compromising later on. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more, in single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, where parents are
usually
trapped in rat race, fails to spend quality time with their children, leading them to feel lonely and isolated and may fall into depression.
Lastly
, living with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
two or three members in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may turn them into introverts or less social, which wight pose a huge problem for them when needed to adjust or adapt in a new environment. To sum up,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would say that joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
system is definitely better and much more beneficial for a child's
overall
development.
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IELTS essay A joint family system is far better than nuclear families, in terms of a child's upbringing.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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