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Today digital technology allows people to share all aspects of their lives on social media. Some claim it had made our life more interesting while others believe that demonstrating private life towards others is not ethically true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Today digital technology allows people to share all aspects of their lives on social media. Some claim it had made our life more interesting while others believe that demonstrating private life towards others is not ethically true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion e8pAO
Nowadays, digital technology and such facilities allows for every individuals to share every detail of their life on social platforms. In addition, some believe it had made our life more fascinating even though others argue that showing private life towards others is not ethically true. It is frequent topic of discussion for this reason I can partly agree with this opinion. On the one hand, It seems to me that on social media has two sides and every person can choose their own side. It may beneficial or not it depends on them. Every users of social platforms share their part of the day hewever, not part of their own life. For instance, where are they going or what are they doing due to their friends or their family may be for subscribers. In my point of view it is interesting for everyone it is not boring also for us. We try to show our different sides of our life. On the other hand, when we enter to social platforms we only lost our big amount of time. It is harmful for us as well as our future. I think that people should not share their personal life. They may share their part of work or study as I above the mentioned such things interesting for some people they can share it however, not their own life. It is not beneficial for them When they try to share their part of the day they may hurt from financial side. In conclusion, people can do works as they want and they independent. We can not put limit for their works. I should recommend that they can share their part of the day or life whether it is not harmful.
Nowadays, digital technology and such facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
every detail of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe it had made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more fascinating
even though
others argue that showing private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
towards others is not
ethically
true. It is frequent topic of discussion
for this reason
I can partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

On the one hand, It seems to me that on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media has two sides and every person can choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
side. It
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may beneficial
or not it depends on them. Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "user"?
users
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the day
Possible spelling mistake found.
hewever
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, where are they going or what are they doing due to their friends or their family may be for subscribers. In my point of view it is interesting for everyone it is not boring
also
for us. We try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides of our life.

On the other hand
, when we enter to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lost our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of time. It is harmful for us
as well
as our future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of work or study as I above the mentioned such things interesting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
it
however
, not their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is not beneficial for them When they try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the day they may hurt from financial side.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can do works as they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
want and
they independent. We can not put limit for their works. I should recommend that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the day or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
whether it is not harmful.
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IELTS essay Today digital technology allows people to share all aspects of their lives on social media. Some claim it had made our life more interesting while others believe that demonstrating private life towards others is not ethically true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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