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Today everybody is addicted to using the internet, this habit is very unhealthy for people’s communication and the negative side of this trend cannot be reversed. Do you agree or disagree?

Today everybody is addicted to using the internet, this habit is very unhealthy for people’s communication and the negative side of this trend cannot be reversed. 5212p
Nowadays, the use of the internet has become addictive. The increasing number of internet utilize has harmful sides such as weakening people’s communication. This trend's bad side may be irreversible. On the one hand, it’s obvious that the internet makes people’s life easy. People can manage most of their problems or work using the internet. For example, paying the utilities or doing shopping online due to the internet is helpful for some people. However, having a lot of advantages, the internet has drawbacks such as dependence and associativity. So it would affect people in an unhealthy way. On the other hand, a rising number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of using the internet too much in these days. Researchers consider that the effects of utilizing the internet cannot be reversed and it's the major concern about it. According to research results, the brain cells and neurons can damage and die and cannot regenerate as a result of internet usage. Consequently, damaging brain cells cause some psychological diseases such as anxiety and eating disorders, insomnia, and even depression. By reason of these, some people become unsociable and introverted in the modern world. In conclusion, in my opinion, people cannot give up internet usage completely. But they may manage of time for using the network. In this way, most people can avoid the harmful effects of the internet.
Nowadays, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet has become addictive. The increasing number of internet utilize has harmful sides such as weakening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
communication. This trend's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side may be irreversible.

On the one hand, it’s obvious that the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life easy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can manage most of their problems or work using the internet.
For example
, paying the utilities or
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going shopping".
doing shopping
online due to the internet is helpful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages, the internet has drawbacks such as dependence and associativity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it would affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Consider replacing "in an unhealthy way" with the adverb for "unhealthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unhealthy way
.

On the other hand
, a rising number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from health problems
as a result
of using the internet too much in these days. Researchers consider that the effects of utilizing the internet cannot
be reversed
and it's the major concern about it. According to research results, the brain cells and neurons can damage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
and cannot regenerate
as a result
of internet usage.
Consequently
, damaging brain cells cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
psychological diseases such as anxiety and eating disorders, insomnia, and even depression. By reason of these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become unsociable and introverted in the modern world.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot give up internet usage completely.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they may manage of time for using the network. In this way, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can avoid the harmful effects of the internet.
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IELTS essay Today everybody is addicted to using the internet, this habit is very unhealthy for people’s communication and the negative side of this trend cannot be reversed.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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