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WHAT ARE CAUSES OF TRAFFIC ACCİDENTS?

WHAT ARE CAUSES OF TRAFFIC ACCİDENTS? 9YxYp
There are many causes of traffic accidents. First cause is that over speed. People enjoy drive the car fast but this can be reason of traffic accident and you just hurt some people you can kill them because of this. Second cause is that distruction during driving. Sometimes drivers use their phones during using their cars so they can’t focus on the roud and lose control the car. Third cause is not obey the traffic rules. If drivers drive their cars carefully they may lead the rules and that cause an accident. They just make a financial damage, unfortunatly sometimes people can die this accidents. To sum up car drivers must obey the rules and they have to very careful while drive their cars.
There are
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many
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causes
of traffic
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accidents
.
First
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cause
is that over speed.
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People
enjoy drive the
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car
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fast
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but
this can be reason of traffic
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accident
and you
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just
hurt
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
you can kill them
because of this
. Second
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cause
is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
distruction
during driving.
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Sometimes
drivers
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use
their phones during using their
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cars
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so
they can’t focus on the
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roud
and lose control the
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car
. Third
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cause
is not
Consider using a past participle here: "obeyed".
obey
the traffic
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rules
. If drivers drive their
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cars
carefully
they may lead the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and that
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cause
an
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accident
. They
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just
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make
a financial damage,
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unfortunatly
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sometimes
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people
can
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die
Did you mean "these"?
this
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accidents
. To sum up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
drivers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
obey the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rules and
they
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have to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful while drive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
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IELTS essay WHAT ARE CAUSES OF TRAFFIC ACCİDENTS?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
124 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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