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Today although science and technology have brought many positive changes in human life yet artists like musicians, painter and writers are still highly valued.to what extent do you justify this?

Today although science and technology have brought many positive changes in human life yet artists like musicians, painter and writers are still highly valued. raXXn
In this modern era science and technology give us many positive changes but artists like musicians, painter, writers still highly valued. i will discuss it briefly in following paragraph. To begin with, artists perform useful work for us and deserve respect. Technology help them to do work but can't take place of artists. For example: - if one writer writes a book and want many copies of Book ik this case technology help artist to print many books because it takes too much time and hardwork of writer to write so many booksFurthermore, human consists of body and soul which can't satisfied by any science or technology. it only satisfies physical needs of hunman beings art grab our spiritual and emotional needs together. It fullfill our spiritual needs in many ways music uplifts our emotions. Sometimes some music touchs our heart and soul and whenever we hear that song or music we feel relaxed and happy. There are some paintings express our spiritual cravings. When we worship to god of any religion we always see the painting of god and do worship. In conclusion, No doubt technology and science help artist in their work but can't take place of artists. Artists deserve to be respected
In this modern era science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
like musicians, painter, writers
still
highly
valued.
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss it
briefly
in following paragraph. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
perform useful work for us and deserve respect.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to do work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can't take place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
For example
:
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
if one writer writes a book and want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
copies of Book
Possible spelling mistake found.
ik
this case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
to print
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it takes too much time and
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
of writer to write
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
booksFurthermore
, human consists of body and soul which can't satisfied by any science or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
satisfies physical needs of
Possible spelling mistake found.
hunman
beings art grab our spiritual and emotional needs together. It
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfill
our spiritual needs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "ways'" or "way's"?
ways
music uplifts our emotions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
music
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "touches", the plural form of the noun 'touch'?
touchs our
heart and soul and whenever we hear that song or music we feel relaxed and happy. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
paintings express our spiritual cravings. When we worship to god of any religion we always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the painting of god and do worship.
In conclusion
, No doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
in their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can't take place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artists
deserve to be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
respected
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IELTS essay Today although science and technology have brought many positive changes in human life yet artists like musicians, painter and writers are still highly valued.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
204 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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