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Parents' attention has a great influence on children's sharing, empathy, and helping others

Parents' attention has a great influence on children's sharing, empathy, and helping others 86y9r
-Nowadays, working is an essential thing in life. Photo to create an economy to support the family. But doing it too much has made the family's love and family time not good, so a lot of people save money. opinion that we should and should not reduce the amount of work in the day. -First of all, we will talk about the harms when working too hard is affecting yourself and your family. When you work too much, your health will deteriorate and can't be maintained for a long time. And when we work too much, we don't have time to relax. The amount of work will lead to pressure at work, causing us headaches and fatigue, leading to stress that makes it easy to happen. many unnecessary mistakes in work. -Next will be the impact on society, when an employee is stressed and stressed, they will not be able to work effectively, leading to poor quality products and finished products of the company affecting the face. of the company and the development of the company. Once the parents go to work, there will be no time for the children, so the children may fall into social crimes and make the country have a high rate of youth. juvenile delinquency is higher, making them a danger to today's society. -It can be said that not sharing the heart as well as the work with the family, with others is an expression of the child's indifference that needs to be overcome. Especially in urban areas - a place where indifference easily becomes a social ill. When an individual steps foot into society, he or she first belongs to a certain family. Let's prevent children's apathy right from the family.
-Nowadays, working is an essential thing in life. Photo to create an economy to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
doing it too much has made the family's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
save money.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
opinion
that we should and should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the day.

-
First
of all, we will talk about the harms when working too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is affecting yourself and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. When you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too much, your health will deteriorate and can't
be maintained
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. And when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too much, we don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will lead to pressure at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, causing us headaches and fatigue, leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy to happen.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
unnecessary mistakes in work.

-
Next
will be the impact on society, when an employee is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, they will not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
, leading to poor quality products and finished products of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
affecting the face.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and the development of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Once the parents go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the children may fall into social crimes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country have a high rate of youth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
juvenile
delinquency is higher, making them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.

-It can
be said
that not sharing the heart
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, with others is an expression of the child's indifference that needs to
be overcome
.
Especially
in urban areas
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a place where indifference
easily
becomes a social ill. When an individual steps foot into society, he or she
first
belongs to a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
children's apathy right from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay Parents' attention has a great influence on children's sharing, empathy, and helping others

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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