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to what extent do you agree with students working

to what extent do you agree with students working pKVw0
Working is one of the most important factors in human life. Everyone have their own way for earning money to could spend their life as well as they can working is not inherited but it's adventitious which we must learn it over the years based on our interests. I agree that teenagers should learn working since the school time due to the following reasons. Teenage time is the best period to learn responsibility and know how to handle problems without being dependent on anyone. Because most of children think that they can count on their parents or elders whenever they want and that makes them run away from difficulties All of us spend a specific time with our parents money so we couldn't understand incomes difficulties, but if we start to work from young age we will get better over the years and learn how to stand on our own feet and have more information about our talent interest and future job. School is an environment or place that we learn. So its better to achieve what we need, in addition to academic studying (lessons), culture, manners or behavior, how to work is also very important and in my own opinion it can affect more.
Working is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors in human life. Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way for earning money to could spend their life
as well
as they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "work"
working
is not inherited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's adventitious which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it over the years based on our interests. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
working since the school time due to the following reasons.

Teenage time is the best period to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
responsibility and know how to handle problems without being dependent on anyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the children") or simply say "most children".
most of children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they can count on their parents or elders whenever they want and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them run away from
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
difficulties


All of us spend a specific time with our parents money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we couldn't understand incomes difficulties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work from young age we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better over the years and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to stand on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet and have more information about our talent interest and future job.

School is an environment or place that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
its better to achieve what we need,
in addition
to academic studying (lessons), culture, manners or behavior, how to work is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion it can
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
more.
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IELTS essay to what extent do you agree with students working

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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