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Some people believe that that the compulsory military training in Taiwan should include both men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that that the compulsory military training in Taiwan should include both men and women. OReDG
Have you ever think if one day woman also needs to attend the military in the future. In these days forcing military training between woman and man is still a popular issue in countries. Base on the benefit for country and equal treatment of gender it’s better to let both woman and man to attend military training in Taiwan. Firstly, when war happens there is always better to have more people to fight against the enemy. As people know Taiwan is a small island. There is a large different on numbers of soldiers to other big countries. In addition, when the war happens, its predictable Taiwan may lose because the number of soldiers. If the woman also joins the military training. That means Taiwan will have more power to fight against with other countries. Secondly, if woman have also been trained in military, woman can protect themselves when dangerous situation happens. Nowadays most of the crime relate to gender are happens on woman. The reason is when dangerous appears woman do not have ability and knowledge to defend themselves. If the woman had been educated and training for self-defense, it will decrease the possibility of crime that happens on woman. Thirdly, there is no reason only man should be compulsory military training. To consider the gender equality. Man and woman are all human. Woman should not be treated differently. At the same time, this is related to gender stereotype. In traditional cogitation people think man is stronger. So, that’s why only man have been forced to attend military training in these days. In contrast, in these civilized century. Man and woman should not be treated differently because of gender stereotype. In conclusion, for the benefit of country, woman and gender stereotype it is better to let both man and woman join the military training in Taiwan. This is a significant issue that Taiwan government should faced with. By the discussion of this issue. The government may make the right choice in the future.
Have you ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if one day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
also
needs to attend the military in the future. In these days forcing military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
is
still
a popular issue in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Base on the benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and equal treatment of gender it’s better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
to attend military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
in Taiwan.

Firstly
, when war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happens
there is always better to have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to fight against the enemy.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know Taiwan is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
island. There is a large
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
on numbers of soldiers to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In addition
, when the war
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happens
, its predictable Taiwan may lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the number of soldiers.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. That means Taiwan will have more power to fight against with other countries.

Secondly
, if
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woman
have
also
been trained
in military,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
can protect themselves when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happens
. Nowadays most of the crime relate to gender are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happens
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
. The reason is when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
appears
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
do not have ability and knowledge to defend themselves. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
had
been educated
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
for self-defense, it will decrease the possibility of crime that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happens
on woman.

Thirdly
, there is no reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
should be compulsory military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
. To consider the gender equality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
are all human.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Woman
should not
be treated
differently
. At the same time, this
is related
to gender stereotype. In traditional cogitation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
is stronger.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, that’s why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
have
been forced
to attend military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
in these days.
In contrast
, in these civilized century.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
should not
be treated
differently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender stereotype.

In conclusion
, for the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
and gender stereotype it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
in Taiwan. This is a significant issue that Taiwan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "face"
faced
with. By the discussion of this issue. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right choice in the future.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that that the compulsory military training in Taiwan should include both men and women.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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